Halloween is a glorious holiday, transcending the boundaries of race, religion, sex and nationality to unite the citizens of the world under a single vision of spooky, sugary sluttiness. Across the globe, suburban children trick-or-treat with their sweater-clad soccer moms, while the youthful masses of teenagers, college students, and those living through a mid-life crisis, gallivant in magnificently naked and offensive iterations of pop-culture figures, everyday objects and childhood heroes, hiding their true identities (and dignity) behind layers of overpriced costumes, whacky accessories and of course the key ingredient –booooze. 

All things considered, alcohol and Halloween truly go hand in hand. After the initial decade and a half of kiddy innocence, sugar loses its enormous appeal, hormones begin to run wild, hoodlums learn to break into their parents’ liquor cabinets and a light bulb goes off – Halloween legitimizes dressing and acting like a drunken slut! On Oct. 31, the social lubrication abilities of alcohol partner with Halloween’s inherent slutty anonymity to reach new heights of sexy, beveRAGE, dance floor madness. To prepare you for this year’s festivities, I present a collection of drinks inspired by the costumes that will undoubtedly fill the streets of Collegetown this weekend, helping you expand your drank options from the fraternal trinity of Keystone, Four Loko and Barton’s.  

Avatar

While Avatar’s hype may have receded in the past year, it’s about to blow up again big time, just in time for Halloween. Blue nudity, tribal war paint, hair extensions – all the makings of an epic costume. 

½ oz. Blue Curacao

½ oz. Gin

½ oz. Light Rum

½ oz Vodka

2 oz. Sprite

Combine all ingredients in a Collins glass filled with ice. Top with Sprite. Stir.

I’ll see your Na’vi ass at The Palms.

Lady Gaga

While this costume may have been cool, borderline edgy, way back in 2008, you can expect an army of sorority sistas to get their Poker Face on this year, rocking an array of too-tight spandex, meat dresses and disco sticks thrown in for good measure. Lord help us all.

4 oz. Champagne

1 oz. Cointreau

1 oz. Cranberry Juice

½ oz. Lime Juice

½ tablespoon sugar

Stir Cointreau, juices and sugar together, and chill. When serving, pour into a Champagne flute and top off with your André of choice.

The Jersey Shore Cast

Although Dino’s suffers from its fair share of Ed Hardy juiceheads and pickle-munching guidettes on any given Saturday, this weekend will bring a Jersey-tastic disaster parade into town, with bros and hoes beating the beat up, changing into their shirt before the shirt and working on their G.T.L.  We’ve all got a little Jersey inside us – let it out on Halloween. To quote the incredibly wise Snooki, “She looks so good, she looks like the ultimate stripper.” Amen. 

2 oz. Gin

3 oz. Tonic

A Lime Wedge

Combine ingredients in an ice-filled highball glass. Garnish with lime. G.T.L. Baby.

The Slutty (insert noun here)

One of Halloween’s greatest qualities is its ability to transform seemingly any object into a prostitute. Forget being a French maid, nurse, or schoolgirl. Have you seen the slutty calculator or Judy Jetson? How about the skanky TCAT or Pterodactyl? Even traditional ghosts, vampires, and monsters know how to get freaky these days. Thank god for the progress of mankind. Personal favorite – The slutty Robin (look into it).

2 oz. Absolute Vanilla Vodka

1 oz. Pumpkin Schnapps

Splash of Orange Juice

Nutmeg

Shake all ingredients in a cocktail shaker filled with ice. Strain into a martini glass. Garnish with nutmeg.

Trick or Treat

Smell my feet

Give me some liquor

And a nasty beat