Scorpio (October 23 — November 21): This week, your relationship is going to start to resemble a phantom ghost. And it's spooky.
Sagittarius (November 22 — December 21): Lately, your hair has been growing at an alarming rate. This could only mean one thing: Your are a werewolf! (Cue howling). Or hitting puberty.
Capricorn (December 22 — January 19): This week, everyone will compliment you on your costume. But your not wearing a costume. It's just your face.
Aquarius (January 20 — February 18): Lately, you've been having a craving for something sweet. Your wish will finally be granted in the form of mini packets of Skittles.
Pisces (February 19 — March 20): This week, you've been so busy with work that you can't understand why everyone is dressed up in costume...Did you miss something?
Aries (March 21 — April 19): This week, your more likely to get a trick then a treat, but you'll be too drunk to notice either of them.
Taurus (April 20 — May 20): Lately, you've been feeling like an original. This is, until you see several other Ke$ha's walking around.
Gemini (May 21 — June 20): This week, you will find a way to get rid of all the toilet paper in your house and get revenge on your nemisis.
Cancer (June 21 — July 22): This week, you'll meet a cute girl but she'll be a total witch.
Leo (July 22 — August 22): Lately, you've been wanting to break out of your shell. Time to get the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles costume out of the closet.
Virgo (August 23 — September 22): This week, you'll be craving some pumpkin pie. It's probably from all the pumpkins that have been smiling at you for the last two weeks.
Libra (September 22 — October 22): This week, you and your friends will break out into the Thriller dance and there's nothing you can do to stop it.