Can't Live Without It
Professor: The standard entropy of liquid water is 69.9.
Guy #1:Yeah 69!
Guy #2: I guess that’s why I like water so much.
It's A Slut World After All
Guy #1: It was like a Disney-whore convention. There were slutty Snow Whites, Alice in Wonderland, Minni Mouse, Belle, everything!
Guy #2: It sounds like it was like a magical land for adults.
Guy #1: Oh, it was beyond magical. My dreams definitely came true. Thank you, Walt.
Snickers and Jim Bean
Guy #1: I wish that college kids could go trick or treating and instead of candy, people would give out liquor.
Guy #2: Or they would give out liquor AND candy.
Guy #1: That would be a dream come true.
There's One In Every Class
Professor To Overly Enthusiastic Student: Ok, say what you’re going to say for 30 seconds while I draw this diagram. And then we’re all going to have a nice warm cup of shut the fuck up.
I'd Tap That Class
Guy #1: Why even study? I’m just gonna fail this anyway.
Guy #2: Dude, you gotta study tonight. Classes are like girls, you gotta hit it and quit it.
— Ag Quad
Girl: Wow, I am so wasted.
Guy: But you still want to hang out, right?
Girl: Yeah, totally. Where? I’m pretty drunk, so I might puke.
Guy: That’s why we’re going to your place, not mine.
Just The Facts
Guy With Wet Pants: I don’t know much, but I know that it feels wet.
An Apple A Day
Girl #1: I thought apple peels were good for you because they have fiber.
Girl #2: You’re not supposed to eat the apple peel because of the chemicals in the skin. But you won’t die during your lifetime if you do eat it.
Girl #3: You won’t die during your lifetime? That makes absolutely no sense.
—Alice Cook House