Never Your Dad
Guy #1 (talking about business concepts):...it does that as long as it creates growth
Guy #2:Your mom creates growth.
This Won't Get Me A Job
Guy #1: For real, they make this shit up.
Guy #2: Seriously.
Guy #1: I have never even seen a carbo cation. Never. Have you ever seen a carbo cation?
Guy #2: No.
Guy #1: I've been alive for 19 year and I have NEVER seen a carbo cation.
Guy #2: Seriously, this class sucks ass.
—After an Orgo Review Session
Not Chex Mix?
Girl #1: Salt and vinegar chips are such a dirty snack.
Girl #2: You're a dirty snack.
At Least You're Reading
Guy: Are you reading fan fiction again?
Guy: Are you reading gay fan fiction?
Girl: Why would I read heterosexual fan fiction?
She Works At Subway
Girl to female friend: Did you know that women have better perception of colors than men? It's because we were the gatherers.
Random Guy: But you can't gather sandwiches...
Show A Girl A Good Time
Guy on cell phone: Dude, I'm single. It was worth it. I'll pay for the wall. I really don't care.
Those Will Be The Best Memories
Drunk Guy #1: Oh, wait. What time is it? I have tickets to see Kid Cudi!
Drunk Guy #2: Dude, that concert ended, like, four hours ago...
Drunk Guy #1: No...wait, did it really? (Looks at time).