Life is amazing. It is our most valuable good. What makes life particularly special, however, is its little details. As Ernest Hemingway once said, “Every man’s life ends the same way. It is only the details of how he lived and how he died that distinguish one man from another.” At a macro level, everyone is generally expected to follow the same process after birth: learn to walk and talk, attend school, enroll in college, find a job, retire and then live off of social security from a government that can’t afford to pay for it. But at the end of the day, what we really embrace about life is the stuff that happens between the things we are expected to do. Recognizing this, I have decided to write a tribute to one of life’s most beautiful details: bromance.
According to Wikipedia, a bromance “is a close but non-sexual relationship between two (or more) men, a form of homo-social intimacy.” Having a bromance requires, among many other qualities: loyalty, empathy, trust, commitment and, of course, love. Many people tend to frown upon bromances, but what they do not understand is that these relationships actually are more healthy than heterosexual ones. Aside from reproduction, relationships between men and women only bring problems. Bromances, on the other hand, are the source of humanity’s greatest virtues. For instance, Plato and Aristotle had an intellectual bond that affected the development of Western thought. Meanwhile, Frodo Baggins and Samwise Gamgee showed how no goal is impossible when loyalty is honored. Finally, the bromance between Charlie Sheen and himself proves that having a bro is way more fun than taking your girlfriend to the next Twilight movie premiere. In sum, although the examples are innumerable, the message is simple: There is nothing more precious than a bromance.
I will now narrate a story that took place here at Cornell and shows the wonderful things a bromance can offer. But before starting, I am compelled to mention that for the sake of protecting some of my bros, names and locations have been modified.
About five weeks ago, E.G.C., M.A.G. — a.k.a. The Spanish Stallion — and Y.J. took an entire Saturday for themselves. First, they played badminton and bowled at Helen Newman. Afterward, they went to the mall to play mini golf and watch a movie. At the end of the day, they drove to the Village of Horseheads to eat at a Red Lobster. They really had a good time. But when they were driving back to Cornell, Y.J. felt really sad. This was because he was not going to see his bros for the rest of the day. Last year, they all lived in a suite and hung out all the time. However, Y.J. is living in a North Campus dorm this semester while his bros are together in Collegetown. All of a sudden, without Y.J. mentioning anything, M.A.G. said, “Hey man, screw this. This is totally depressing, come and live with us.” After this statement, E.G.C. proceeded to second the motion. Y.J., deep down inside, wanted to do just that; however, he refused M.A.G.’s offer in order to test their bromance. When they arrived to Y.J.’s room on North Campus, Y.J. went to the bathroom. The shrimp with garlic sauce was a lethal combination for his intestines. While on the toilet, he was wondering why E.G.C. and M.A.G. did not try harder to “convince” him to move in with them. Was it because they really didn’t care? Did they just ask him out of courtesy? When YJ.. came back to his room, he noticed something was different. His bed — mattress and frame — was not in the room. Similarly, his wardrobe was empty. The Playstation 3 was also gone. Confused, Y.J. went outside the building to see what his bros were up to. When he arrived in the parking lot, he saw M.A.G.’s pickup truck filled with everything that was not in the room. M.A.G. then honked the horn and yelled, “You have no option man! I am taking this stuff to Collegetown and there is no way you can take it back! I am not letting you borrow my truck!” Y.J., pretending to be mad, enthusiastically entered the car knowing the old times were back again.
To this day, Y.J. is still living in the storage closet of a Collegetown apartment — a la Harry Potter. But unlike Harry, Y.J. is living with his real family: his bros. Every morning he comes out of the closet knowing that he has some friends who will always be for there for him, regardless of the circumstances. Y.J. told me to write a column and let M.A.G., E.G.C., J.G. and J.D.R. know that he loves them. I could not refuse to do so, because I love him as well.
I often hear that a man’s best friend is his dog. Nonsense. It is another man. My fellow readers, this is a tribute to all the bromances out there. I know sometimes we forget, but let your bros know how important they are to you. Enjoy them while you can, because they will eventually get married.
Abdiel Ortiz-Carrasquillo is a junior in the College of Arts and Sciences. He may be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. I Respectfully Dissent appears alternate Fridays this semester.