The Thought That Counts

It’s that time again: the time for cheesy greeting cards, overpriced roses and indistinguishable chocolates. Valentine’s Day is this week, and although most girls have probably planned their surprises to a tee — lingerie has been bought, cookies made, hints dropped — most guys are probably reading this and trying to figure out when the big day is. (Wednesday … you have two days left).

Valentine’s Day is actually a fairly amusing holiday if you think about it. You date someone 365 days a year, and then one day it’s like, “Oh yeah … I’m supposed to get him/her something to remind him/her that I actually love him/her.” Shouldn’t that be your MO all the time? Valentine’s Day is the one day every year that boys actually have to appreciate their girlfriends. Women show their appreciation all year round with little gifts and cards, hugs and kisses. But Valentine’s Day is the one day that men get to even the score.

Unfortunately, the evening of the score often involves chalk-like conversation hearts and heinous red teddy bears. Although boys try hard, Valentine’s Day is an extremely difficult holiday to shop for without spending $500. Stuffed animals are clichéd and often ugly, flowers die within the week and boxes of chocolates that aren’t Godiva just aren’t worth it.

So what’s a guy to do?

Let’s face it, Tiffany’s just isn’t in everyone’s price range, especially not for that girl you met during Rush Week and feel compelled to give something to for this oh-so-special holiday. The problem here is that girls expect things like Tiffany’s. The level of anticipation surrounding Valentine’s Day is monumental. Thanks to Hallmark, The Notebook and that one friend you know who always goes over the top for his girlfriend, girls have unrealistically high expectations for the big day. Girls want grand romantic gestures, to be swept off their feet and to be the envy of all of their friends. However, girls often forget that Valentine’s Day in college, on a college budget, will more likely consist of dinner at a CityBucks-participating restaurant, a teddy bear from Target, a rose or two and some cuddling.

So, again, what’s a guy to do?

Well, we all know it’s the thought that counts (yeah right), so maybe officially declaring your relationship via Facebook (the ultimate declaration of love and commitment) or just giving her a card with something sincere written inside will do.

Try again.

Popular comedian Jim Gaffigan has a bit about holidays, and mentions Valentine’s Day as one of the stranger ones:

I know nothing about Saint Valentine … I assume he’s the patron saint of overpriced greeting cards. That’s an odd ritual, really — we go out and buy cards that already have things written in them. It’s like, “Hmm … yeah, that’s something I’d say … Just add my name here at the bottom … There you go! You like what that other guy wrote in there?! It took me five seconds to find it. Cost me two bucks.” Greeting cards would make sense if there was something profound written in there, but it’s always like “Happy Birthday!” — Couldn’t think of that yourself? “Psh … I’m not a slogan machine.”

I could go on a rant about Hallmark and recycled paper, but what’s more concerning to me is Gaffigan’s point about the insides of greeting cards. Why is it that we feel compelled to rely on someone else’s words instead of our own? Is it due to the pressure that surrounds the most romantic holiday of the year? What is it about expressing our feelings that makes us clam up and rely on Hallmark for our sweet nothings?

The notion of putting ourselves out there, especially for love, is a scary one. Once the pen hits the paper, there’s no taking the words back. Perhaps it is this vulnerability that makes us rely on cheesy poems and cutesy sayings. When you express yourself, especially on paper, your words are out there, for everyone to read, for everyone to look at, for everyone to judge. This is perhaps the scariest part. Your words are available to be misunderstood, misinterpreted and misused by others. Maybe this is why we rely on abbreviated text messages and AIM emoticons to express our feelings.

Perhaps boys think that in many cases, the thought really doesn’t count. Or maybe they’re just the wrong thoughts. Either way, a card full of gooey romantic haikus is a safer bet than anything you had to say.

Some advice: hedge your bets this Valentine’s Day. Buy a bright pink card covered in glitter and hearts, sign your name inside and then, just maybe, consider adding a note. Maybe even tell her (gasp!) how you feel. That may be the best thought of all.

Hannah Stearns is a senior in the College of Arts and Sciences. She can be reached at hes32@cornell.edu [1]. Paint the Town Red appears alternate Mondays.