As I peered out my ice-glazed window this morning, it occurred to me that Cornell must be one of the only college campuses in the entire world where spring break is colder than winter break. Together with the ominous burden of prelims, this week’s obscenely low temperatures have left Cornell students eagerly counting down the days until March 17th, which marks the beginning of our school’s annual spring recess.
I don’t know about you, but the first things that come to mind when I hear the magical phrase, “Spring Break,” are tropical islands, afternoon cocktails, bizarre sexual encounters and vomiting in hotel elevators. (Mom, please stop reading, two sentences ago.) For anybody who has somehow convinced their parents to fund a mid-March outing to some sun-soaked Caribbean resort, these images are probably familiar. For many of today’s young people, Spring Break is no longer just an opportunity to relax and catch up with old friends. Instead, it provides a setting conducive to nearly all imaginable forms of juvenile debauchery, not to mention a rapidly expanding body of Internet pornography.
While I too was once guilty of indulging in trendy Bohemian getaways, I can proudly say that I’ve managed to avoid this year's pre-break hype. (In other words, my parents finally cut me off.) And yet I must also admit that my impending absence from this year’s Spring Break party scene left me a bit weary at first. How, I wondered, could I spend my 10 days of freedom? It was tough, but I managed to come up with some mildly encouraging ideas. So if you're looking for an appealing alternative to the generic spring break alcohol binge, or if you are simply tired of hearing exasperated sorority girls obsess over how to lose four more pounds in the next week and a half, here are a few suggestions on how to appreciate your time off. Enjoy.
Visit friends at other schools. Because academic calendars vary from school to school, this can be a great time to visit friends from high school and remind yourself of what it’s like to learn in a climate more suitable for living creatures. If you do it right, you will experience college at its best, with no homework and daily sleep-ins. I suggest a large state school, where your friend will probably be doing this anyway.
Salvage a monogamous relationship. For obvious reasons, Spring Break vacations can cause a considerable amount of stress on romantic partners, especially when one vacations without the other. Some of you may not object to cheating on your girlfriend or boyfriend, as long as it is kept secret. This, unfortunately, is not an option. For it is only a matter of days before some jackass posts a picture on Facebook of you bearhugging a half-naked blond girl in a pool of KY jelly. Try explaining that to your girlfriend. So, for those who fear infidelity, which is pretty much everybody involved in an exclusive relationship, Cancun or Acapulco might not be the best idea after all. Instead, spend some time with your significant other in a more private, romantic setting. Maybe even get to know his or her family or friends. Meanwhile, anyone who ventures off into the Caribbean while in a relationship will spend the majority of his or her time answering nervous phone calls and concocting absurd lies.
If nothing else, you girls won’t have to worry about ending up on Girls Gone Wild. And if you are guy, you won’t have to worry that your girlfriend will.
Salvage your dignity. Spring Break venues are not exactly the epicenter of moral behavior. In fact, your actions will likely be regrettable and self-destructing. For one, waking up face down on the vomit-stained lobby of the “Oceanside Inn” while onlookers throw empty beer cans at you is not a very rewarding experience. (Right now you may be thinking that I have no dignity to lose, and you’re probably right, but this article isn’t for me, so shut up.) And yet there are even more hazardous aspects of Spring Break. For example, recent studies suggest that roughly 40 percent of healthy individuals return from their Spring Break with some form of STD. Anyways, I made that statistic up, but you get the point.
So, why not take the opportunity to sit back and reevaluate your own ethical conduct? Instead of spending Mom and Dad’s money on overpriced alcohol (or women, depending on how zealous you get), do something altruistic, like community service, or spend some downtime with a younger sibling.
March Madness. There is perhaps no greater event in college or pro sports than the NCAA basketball tournament. Indeed, it is one of the few sections of the sports calendar that brings non-sports-fans to the television or radio to watch a game or two. And even if you don’t like watching the games, March Madness is the only time of the year when gambling is socially acceptable and even encouraged. Just make sure you think hard when filling out those brackets. Finally, while our own Big Red may not be participating, March Madness brings us the annual privilege of watching the lowly Penn Quakers get absolutely pounded on national television. In case you were wondering, the last Ivy League team to actually win a game in the tournament came from my home town of Princeton in 1998, when the fifth-seeded Tigers knocked off the twelfth-seeded Rebels of UNLV. I was not quite 11-years-old.
Sudoku. Yes, I said it. Sudoku. Thanks to some innovative minds here at The Sun, this magnificent brainteaser has kept scores of Cornell students awake during their 9:05 a.m. lectures. Why not bring the fun home with you? Despite the fact that I almost never have the patience or ability to actually complete these puzzles, they will hold your attention for a surprisingly long period of time.
Home. The most rewarding part about staying home for spring break is, well, home. If nothing else, clean bathrooms and a familiar bed are both worthy incentives. Most of us might also benefit from spending some quality time with friends and relatives. If you’re like me, you may also want to try getting drunk at Hooters at two in the afternoon. That being said, focus on returning from spring break with energy and vigor rather than a hangover and syphilis.
Ben Notterman is a sophomore in the College of Arts and Sciences. He can be contacted at ben8@cornell.edu. The Scorpion King appears alternate Fridays.