Continuing from two weeks ago, a gentleman always has an extra pen. He carries some sort of breath-improving substance with him. He remembers small facts about his friends (like where in Long Island they’re from) and he chooses those friends wisely (not because of where in Long Island they’re from).
Choosing friends can be difficult. I, for one, have four circles of Cornell friends that rarely intersect — and this segregation tends to work for me. I have my Improv friends, I have my hockey-ticket friends, I have my classmates and I have “peripherals” who are people I sort of know, and like talking to outside Olin Library. I allow myself to migrate from one group to the next in order to enjoy different activities in different settings with different people. For instance, my classmates, on the whole, don’t like beer-pong and my hockey-friends don’t like snotty indie films. But this is not what I mean when I say that a gentleman chooses his friends wisely. A wise choice isn’t situational.
Sun Podcast: A podcast is available for this column. Click here [1] to listen to or to download it.
What I’m getting at is this: life is about many important choices but one of the most important is who we hang out with. As we grow older and get interested in different things, it’s important that we remember our roots and stay true to those who were with us from the beginning. Friends from long ago, even if they’ve moved into the periphery of our minds and the bottom of our Facebook profiles, keep us grounded and remind us of who we were and how far we’ve come.
But (and this is the tricky part) it’s important to outgrow people. Sometimes you need to move on. Sometimes you need to leave the crew behind. You don’t have to be mean about it, but you should never hold yourself back or endanger yourself because of some perceived loyalty to the pack.
On May 24, five guys I went to high school with allegedly murdered Emery Kauanui, a local surf star, and a classmate’s older brother. Court records state that Seth Cravens, Eric House, Orlando Osuna, Matthew Yanke and Hank Hendricks all followed Kauanui home after being ejected from a bar. They are accused of beating him to death against a palm tree, and have all pled not guilty. Their trial is set to begin December 11.
A Google search of the first four defendants provides nothing more than information about this case. But the fifth, Hank Hendricks — and my closest friend from that bunch — was, until his arrest, the backup quarterback at the University of New Hampshire.
I know Hank pretty well. His father coached my Little League team. When we were 12, Hank taught me (theoretically) how to throw a curve ball. We took AP Econ together. He was, and is, a nice person who worked his ass off to get a scholarship, and is largely loved in my town as the golden-boy, three-sport wonder who Doug Flutie (yes, that Doug Flutie) took on as a protégé.
But now Hank’s at home on bail, answering Facebook posts from his friends, assuring everyone that he’s staying positive and, I guess, counting down the days until his trial begins.
I don’t know if Hank is guilty of the crime for which he is accused. I strongly believe he is innocent because my experiences with him suggest that a person of his character is incapable of such a thing. Hank’s dilemma is that he’s associated with persons who my community believes are capable of this crime. I don’t profess to know any intricate details about the night of May 24, but all newspaper clippings I’ve read indicate that Hank was at least with the other four defendants on the night Kauanui died. No one is ever guilty by association alone, but my friend Hank is in hot water because of his friends’ reputations and his decision to hang out with them after he moved on to college (Puberty 2.0).
Do you hate that you’re associated with a stereotype, be it your fraternity, your sorority, your club? Stay away from people who perpetuate that stereotype. Are you often embarrassed by your friend who picks fights at bars? Your friend who stands outside of Johnny O’s waving his North Face-covered arms like a Beta fish’s fins? Let him fight the bouncer. Go home. Do you know someone who messes around in class or sasses the professor? Don’t sit near that person. Do you know someone who spits in public, cuts in line, dresses like a tramp, cheats on tests? Find better friends. There are plenty of nice strangers out there you can talk to.
Overall, because this is an advice column, here is my over-arching tip for the next time you find yourself surrounded by people who make you feel uncomfortable: Just leave. Jet out of there. Pack up, put your jacket on, put the beer down, tell your friend you’ll call him later and leave. High-tail it home. Watch TV, and go to bed. There’s no reason — there’s absolutely no reason — to put yourself in jeopardy because you feel you’ll miss something fun. Your real friends will understand.
Noah Hy Brozinsky is a senior in the College of Arts and Sciences. He can be contacted at nbrozinsky@cornellsun.com. Walk Emily Home appears alternate Wednesdays.
Links:
[1] http://cornellsun.com/node/24776