Halloween came early this year, with much premature fanfare and costumed fraternizing across campus on Saturday night. For traditionalists who celebrate All Hallow’s Eve tomorrow, on its rightful date of Oct. 31, there’s another opportunity for scantily clad coeds to turn a trick (or treat).
If you’re short on ideas (or threewishes.com isn’t offering express shipping), there’s a semester’s worth of Cornell happenings to Halloweenize tomorrow night. My friend Yaya Chang ’08 was generous enough to illustrate our favorite pairs of outfits.
Idea #1: Get yourself a large piece of cardboard, a large stockpile of Magic Markers and a recently enlarged freshman girl, and you’ve got the perfect couple of cause and effect: the Cornell Meal Plan Card, and the Freshman 15 (no assembly required on the latter).
Idea #2: According to an Oct. 2 Sun article, some creeps at the D.P. Dough restaurant verbally harassed a pack of female customers, ridiculing them as “ignorant ass hoes.” If boycotting their delicious calzones didn’t satiate your appetite for justice, don a D.P. Dough Uniform, and fashion a friend as an “ignorant ass hoe” — a takeaway from the Cornell Greenhouses with as much racially charged content as the alleged insult itself (for as Saturday’s runway down College Ave. demonstrated, a “ho” can come in just about any stripe, color or costume).
Idea #3: YouTube fanatics will recall the ignominious “Don’t Tase Me, Bro” video, which featured vampiric police brutally bloodletting a University of Florida student via a taser. Frat boys will have little trouble in becoming a “bro” (note: say “legend” a lot and step up your Jack Johnson collection), though the “taser”-wearer might require some handiwork (as well as an electrical outlet).
Idea #4: Go Big Red! Show some school spirit, and dress up as a Cornell football player. Then, dress a friend up as a Big Red sports fan, the likes of whom are often (un)seen at Cornell sporting events.
Idea #5: As of late, grad students here have been grumbling about their healthcare (or lack thereof). The law school-types who hobnob around the Stella’s basement need only dress to impress, and perhaps pump up the pomposity; the trick is to find a companion undergrad girl, who will protest alongside as a “slutty nurse,” to call attention to their most lamentable cause. Much like Frankenstein’s monster, the sensationalized costumes seen on Halloween have spun out of control, with hemlines pushed as far as the proverbial envelope. If you’re going to be (or look) offensive, you might as well be clever. Happy Halloween!
Rob Fishman is a senior in the College of Arts and Sciences. He can be contacted at rbfishman@cornellsun.com [1]. Agree to Disagree appears Tuesdays.
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[1] mailto:rbfishman@cornellsun.com