DISCLAIMER: ALTHOUGH THIS COLUMN IS ABOUT PERFECTLY NORMAL AND HEALTHY SEXUAL BEHAVIOR, SOME OF YOU MIGHT FIND IT OFFENSIVE. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.
I always thought anal sex was gross, dirty, and painful. No one goes there. Seriously, I kick guys who try without permission. It's exit only.
A friend of mine had just returned to the U.S. after being stationed in Bosnia for a year, and I flew in for a week's visit. The good lieutenant met my flight at the Savannah airport, and a delicious dinner and a few drinks later, we descended on each other. Then he comes out with, "I want your ass."
I was repulsed. And yet intrigued. After the three glasses of wine, I approached a clarity that I could not let myself achieve whilst sober. Doth the lady protest too much?
Oh yes.
I like it.
Turns out, when done properly, anal sex isn't as gross, dirty, or painful as I thought. There are a whole host of under-stimulated nerves back there that feel good when given some attention; it's nice and tight for the penetrator; and then there's the delicious naughtiness of it all.
But. BUT!!!!! (haha, get it?) Anal sex is not a casual endeavor. First of all, anal tissue is not naturally lubricated like vaginal tissue. It is also thinner. Thus, it is more prone to tearing than other tissues in the body, so it contracts infection much more easily. Whether you're the giver or receiver of anal sex, fluid exchange carries a disease risk. If you are a male and you are penetrating someone's anus with your penis, it is of paramount importance for you to wear a condom. Furthermore, even if your partner has had an enema, and even if his or her bill of health is as clean as freshly fallen snow, your member can still pick up microscopic pieces of poop, which are bacterial havens. Just as a colon full of semen may not have a desirable effect on someone's immune system (another good reason to bag it), your body will probably not have a positive reaction to bacteria picked up from someone's anus.
While we're talking about bacteria, remember not to put anything that has been in the anus into your partner's vagina, as that can breed infection. If you want to switch from anal to vaginal sex, you must put a new condom on.
Although I'm all for a good porno now and again, they have had an unfortunate effect on the way people perceive anal sex. In porn, guys just throw it into a ready partner. Real life isn't that easy. Before you can put a penis in a rectum, the sphincters need to be relaxed and introduced to the idea of something going in instead of something going out. Slowly -- which is a good way to go about everything involved in anal intercourse -- work one finger in and out of the anus. Once that's comfortable, work in two fingers. Two fingers should be enough to get things ready back there for most sizes of dick, making rear entry less painful and more pleasurable.
You need to have massive amounts of lube nearby to help this process along. Use a good water-based lubricant that won't damage the condom. You should never use any lubricant containing a numbing agent such as benzocaine; for example, Anal Eaze. Pain is your body's way of saying that what you're doing isn't good, and anal sex is not the time to dull your body's reaction to pain. You could cause serious injury. And steer clear of anything containing detergents or fragrance, such as shampoo or conditioner. Detergent acts as an enema, and fragrance can irritate the delicate tissue back there.
One last warning: a drink or two to relax is ok, getting hammered and trying to have butt sex is not. You need to be alert and aware and in control of your body. Too much alcohol can not only lead to poor decisions, you could do something like injure yourself or your partner.
Okay, it's showtime. Again, slowly is the key word. The person being penetrated should focus on relaxing his or her sphincters and taking deep breaths, and counterintuitively, pushing out against the penetrator's penis or dildo. The penetrator needs to be in tune with his/her partner. If they look like or say they're uncomfortable, slow down, let them get comfortable. The penetrator needs to ease the penis in slowly -- they might even want to let their partner back into their penis. When the person on the bottom is comfortable, the penetrator can start thrusting, again, slowly at first, building up to a tempo both partners find pleasurable.
Keep in mind that there are several positions in which one can engage in butt lovin'. For those who want a lot of contact and touching, spooning, with the penetrator in back, is the way to go. First timers (either partner) should have the partner being penetrated in a typical girl on top position, so he or she can control the action. Those who want to get hot and nasty might try doggie style or both partners lying on their stomachs, one on top of another.
When the playing is finished, the penetrator needs to withdraw slowly so as not to cause discomfort or injury, both of which can occur. The penetrator should also hold on to the condom. Unlike a vagina, stray items are not easily retrieved out of a rectum. Lose a condom up there, and you'll be in the E.R. sometime that night.
Emotionally, there should be a level of trust between the partners. Both partners need to assume some maturity and not tell their buddies intimate details. Despite someone's active participation in butt love, he or she may not be entirely comfortable with the whole country knowing their sexual habits. This is why, aside from disease risk from unknown partners, I do not advise giving up your bum to random hookups. Remember to do what you're comfortable doing. Just because you've had anal sex once doesn't mean you have to do it again.
I should also mention that anyone wanting to penetrate their partner's ass should be willing to offer up their own butt for some play. It's only fair. And damn, if you think giving feels good ...
Kate McDowell is a senior in the College of Arts and Sciences. She supports our troops the best she can. Come Again appears Thursdays.
Archived article by Kate McDowell