We’ve been doing a lot of thinking about “things.” All these things, like the environment and health care and people on the street getting diseases from monkeys and pigs and birds. Who’s the weirdo that’s been touching all these sick animals? We mean, come on. They’re sick. They’ve got problems enough as it is.

So, not too content with how “things” were going, what with the temperamental economy and our joblessness and sleeplessness and everyone else’s crazy competitiveness, we decided to take happiness into our own hands the only way we know how: eating! With all these kids killing each other with guns and knives and forks, we thought, why not put all this cutlery to better use? Like, to eat pie. So we made a pie. And we think you should make one too!

Before you get started, you’re gonna need a few supplies. Unless you’re already bake-y. But if you’re not, you’ll need to procure for yourself …

A 9” pie pan

A 9” unbaked ready-made pie crust (we used Pillsbury’s because the package said “America’s #1 Pie Crust, and it was the first one we saw)

Half a 29 oz can of pumpkin puree (we used Libby’s because the package said “America’s Favorite Pumpkin,” and we’re not communists)

3/4 cups of sugar

1 tsp. ground cinnamon

1/2 tsp. ground ginger

1/4 tsp. ground cloves

2 large eggs

1 12 oz can of evaporated milk

We started by mixing up spices and sugar in a bowl. We combined half a teaspoon of salt, ¾ cups of sugar, a teaspoon of cinnamon, half a teaspoon of ground ginger, and a quarter teaspoon of ground cloves. Then we pre-heated the oven to 425 degrees and debated whether or not to enter a “bake time.” We opted to not, because our oven is like a code breaker, and we couldn’t figure out how.

Next, we mixed up all the dry ingredients while we waited for our handy assistant to return with the eggs, and started on the pie crust. We removed said pie crust from its Pillsbury package and unrolled it carefully as it was both sticky and seemingly easily rippable. We pressed the unrolled raw dough crust into the 9” foil pan and used the back of a fork to press the dough along the top edge to create the illusion of fanciness. You can rip off the excess dough from along the sides, and discard / eat / play.

R: Can you eat pie crusts raw?

R: You can pretty much eat whatever you want raw.

R: Even people!

R: People aren’t raw dummy!

R: You can’t EAT PEOPLE, dummy.

So with the oven pre-heating, the dry ingredients mixed and the crust ready, we continued to wait for our assistant and began to play with the leftover pie crust dough that we deemed not quite delicious enough to eat. After we excitedly shaped it into an unspeakable thing, our assistant/friend returned with the eggs she so generously donated to our mission and asked if she could make shrimp while we bake. We said yes. She asked us how to make shrimp. We said nothing and she decided to make lima beans instead. Then R tried to make a “3” out of leftover dough, but it was an “E,” because she’s losing her mind.

Meanwhile, we cracked the eggs into a separate bowl and beat them before adding half the can of pumpkin puree, which smells amazing, and added the dry-ingredients-mixture and combined everything. Finally, we mixed in the can of evaporated milk. And it started looking a little too liquidy, but one R said that its OK. The other R hoped R knew what she was talking about. Anyway, it tasted good. Our assistant asked us what condensed milk is, and we said nothing.

The time finally came for us to pour our pumpkiny-liquidy mixture into our crust-filled pan. We put the pan on a cookie sheet because it seemed a little flimsy, and we’re super careful, and then we put it in the oven. For some reason there was a lot of leftover mixture, but one R said that its OK. The other R hoped R knows.

The recipe said we need to leave our creation in the oven for 15 minutes at 425 degrees, and then another 40-50 minutes at 325 degrees. We didn’t yet know if it would be 40 or 50. Only time would tell. (It was 50).

So in the 50th minute, our pie emerged, and we saw that it was good. And we ate it, and we knew that it was good. And as we ate and ate, we realized that what we love so much about food is not just the eating part, but the bringing everybody together part as well. We thought, with everything going on in our crazy lives, why not take a break from work, from recruitment, from partying, from insanity and make a pie with your bros? Because baking is engaging, relaxing and delicious — and it puts everyone in a better mood. It’s pie, stupid!

And in the 52nd minute, we rested.

Note: a shorter version of this story can be found on the back of the Libby’s pumpkin puree can.