To anyone reading this paper on Slope Day: you are awesome. We’re not quite sure why you’ve decided to pick up our last issue of the semester, but we certainly hope you enjoy it. Down here at the office, insanity is happening. Designers are designing, computers are computing and as for the rest of us — well, we’ll soon be quite severely incapacitated. Good times. This semester has been great for us. We really enjoy doing what we do, and we are truly thankful to have such a committed readership. We hope you appreciated most of what you’ve read over the past few months — we certainly had a good time putting it all together. ...Read More

I owe a lot to Dr. James McHenry. No, he’s not my doctor. He’s not my professor, either. He’s not even my preacher. He’s, well, a Marylander. And he’s cool enough to have gotten an invite to the coolest party in town. He even took notes — I know, because I’ve read them. (Parts, anyway.) You see, Dear Reader, Dr. James McHenry wasn’t just any Marylander; he was one of five to have represented the Old Line State at the Constitutional Convention in 1787. This, obviously, was an experience that the good doctor knew he would never forget — but one, too, that he wanted the whole world to remember. ...Read More

For three years I had weekly sessions with Dr. Joseph Nicolosi, president of the National Association for the Research and Therapy of Homosexuality (NARTH). Dr. Nicolosi thought that homosexuality was a pathology, a sublimated desire to reconnect with one’s lost masculinity. The theory: under-attentive fathers and over-attentive mothers create gay children. The purpose of therapy was to put me in touch with my masculine identity and thereby change my sexual orientation. ...Read More

You’re all getting Nexted. I’m leaving you and running away with the Cunnilingus Cowboy, the fine feminist gentleman who penned the illuminating “My Night with Jenna B.” on Friday. Everyone knows a girl simply cannot resist a man who rates her fellatio skills on a 10-point scale. I’d make an educated guess he’s been haunted by that particular number (5.75) quite a bit lately, as it is precisely the length of time, in seconds, it took him to — oh, easy digs on helpless, faceless dudes: how I’ll miss you. ...Read More

I’ll admit that I didn’t really start reading the Sun until the end of last year, after I knew I’d be writing for it in a few months. I’ve since determined that there’s no model for a good column; if anyone came close this year, it was Shannon with her flow chart. The only consistency I can see is that the ones I’ve written in Libe Café are better than the ones I’ve written on my back porch. Since it’s nice out, I’m obviously writing on my back porch instead of in Libe. The point is I’m not promising anything here. In lieu of any insightful commentary on Cornell and undergraduate life then, let me conclude the column with some obvious remarks on the twin pillars of the American collegiate tradition: the liberal arts education and the senior scramble. ...Read More

This semester I’ve written a lot about my desire to find a hunky wealthy husband who can jumpstart my path to fame and power. So for my last column, I want to give everyone a little advice about some of the things I think we should all try to accomplish this summer to achieve these goals. For those who are graduating, you basically missed your chance — good riddance. But for those who still have a chance to make something of themselves before returning to campus, take good notes. ...Read More

“I would found an institution where any person can find instruction in any study.” Taken quite literally, the Cornell motto envisions a perfect synthesis between access and higher education: a university where students of any stripe, station or color might encounter a limitless field of knowledge. Yet in its recent bastardization of the slogan, to the simple, “any person … any study,” the University has compromised the implicit, and far more profound, message of Cornell’s mission statement. As was the case in 1865, and as remains the situation today, such an educational utopia is all but impossible; the truest ambition of Ezra Cornell was not to achieve the unachievable, but to challenge Cornellians to continuously reinvent our soon-to-be alma mater. ...Read More

I’ll be the first to admit it. I slacked off. Instead of writing the traditional, post-Editor-in-Chief-behind-the-scenes-look-into-University-life column, I traded the proverbial typewriter for daytime drinking at CTB, spontaneous 2 a.m. road trips (siiccck!!!) and more-than-slightly-embarrassing appearances in senior prom promotional dance videos. Nevertheless, with the final chapter in my collegiate career about to come to a screeching halt, I felt compelled to resurrect my old Daze column if nothing more than to provide some introspection into a lifestyle that only a handful of people experience. ...Read More

The Committee on Special Educational Projects was founded by the University in 1965 with two goals in mind: improve the recruitment of African-American students and support those students on the road to graduation. Today, students enrolled in the COSEP program get a head start on the Cornell experience. In the summer before freshman year, COSEP students take classes designed to better prepare them for the the University curriculum. They meet good friends, learn about the rigors of college life and even get a Freshman Writing Seminar out of the way. As an added bonus, the COSEP program is free — books, meals, housing and all other major expenses are covered by the University. ...Read More