Well, Skorton called it, so we must obey. Starting this July, Cornell will need to trim 5 percent of its budget. As the provosts cancel their orders of multicolored paperclips and leather-backed desk chairs in favor of (gasp!) generic brand office supplies, we here at the Berry Patch have prepared our own list of items for the chopping block. Take note Skorton: recession spending isn’t as complicated as you might think.

Brass Polish for Statler Hall

The gleaming brass interior that greets Hotelies as they march in for 8:40s (and second semester seniors as they stumble in for Wines) has always been the hallmark of none other than the world’s finest hospitality program. But tough times call for tough measures. We propose that funds for Statler’s brass polish be reallocated to provide financial aid for six students.

Mix Tapes for Happy Dave

While Happy Dave can singularly be credited for bringing the ’70s back to Cornell, his mix tape collection has simply grown too large for these economic times. With a fondness for disco planted firmly within us, we advise Skorton to re-devote those funds for the creation of three chaired faculty positions.

Cornell Chronicle Spinoffs

Who doesn’t rush to Day Hall every Thursday to pick up the latest copy of the Cornell Chronicle? While we can’t imagine living without our weekly dose of happy-go-lucky Cornell news, we must admit that its latest spinoff, Ezra, has gone a bit too far. And with confirmed sources telling us that the Chronicle has plans for two new color publications, C.Utopia and Skorton’s Hill o’ Fun, we have to ask whether money could be better spent keeping Olin Libe up to fire code.

Student Assembly Subcommittees

We heard that this week, the S.A. is voting on the creation of a new group called the $ubcommittee to Oversee other Subcomittees. A little much, no? Funds for S.A. subcommittees should be used to expand our endowment (read: buy lottery tickets).