Dear Valentine,

Katie

OK. You caught me. I don’t exactly have a Valentine to celebrate with this year. And, truth be told, I have a nagging suspicion that I could end up spending my Feb. 14 curled up in a warm and sensuous embrace with none other than my senior honors thesis.

But let’s imagine, for the moment, that I did have me a sweet honey. And let’s imagine that we did find ourselves clasping hands and murmuring sweet nothings over a candlelit meal on the evening of the 14th. Well in that case, you can bet that when the bill found its way to our table, I’d be covering my share.

Who would have thought the January jobs report would influence my hypothetical Valentine’s Day plans so dramatically?

As The New York Times reported last week, the percentage of women in the American labor force is, for the first time in history, poised to exceed 50 percent. Far and wide we raised our voices to rejoice what could very well be the silver lining on our economic raincloud.

Congrats to you, woman!

Way to get out there, girlfriend!

And let me give a special shout-out to all the working mamas!

But should we really be cracking open the champagne?

The proportion of women in the workforce often rises in times of severe recession. This is because the industries that tend to be hardest hit — like manufacturing — are male-dominated. And so, during downturns, blokes are the first to lose their jobs.

So about that champagne ...? In essence, we’d be raising our glasses to congratulate women on their husbands, brothers and fathers being laid off. Cheers!

With this in mind, I submit three questions:

1. Lady, how much do you want it?

What’s important to take away is that if women cross the 50 percent threshold during this recession, it will not be because more of them are working. In fact, women actually dropped out of the workforce during last decade’s economic boom. And it will not be because women are gaining ground in a new domain, either. Ladies are riding out the slump precisely because they dominate less economically sensitive fields, such as education and health care.

This may suggest that, given the option, women are content to put on the homemaker hat or remain camped out in Mommyland. Does this recession then highlight our need to step back and reassess where we’re moving … or whether we want to be moving in the first place?

And what is this “it” that we supposedly want anyway? So a bunch of (mostly) males worked long hours, gave up any hint of a social life, racked in big bucks, invested them in Ponzi schemes and shaky stocks, lost everything and were laid off. Is “success,” as traditionally defined, even something to strive for?

2. Lady, why do you have to say you want it?

Last week I ran into a friend of mine, Tom. He told me he got into law school: a good one. He’s pretty excited. After three years of strenuous academic travail, he hopes he can land a corporate gig. Maybe then he’ll even have time to make partner before ...

“I just want to be a stay-at-home dad.”

Really? Why?

“I just love kids.”

Aww.

“And I want to be an amazing father.”

Sexy.

“I like the idea of running the family while my wife works.”

How … progressive! “Good for you!”

But as we parted, I couldn’t help but think what would have happened if instead a female friend had confessed her intention to be a stay-at-home mom. I have a feeling that the word “progressive” would not have crossed my mind.

Much of this is my own prejudice. I don’t think that being cared for by a series of newly-immigrated babysitters Monday to Friday, 8:30 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. did me any long-term intellectual or emotional damage. (Although maybe I’d be smarter and be able to use more big words in this column if I had been fed breast milk instead of chemical baby formula.)

This is a double-standard too — one I’m guilty of upholding. I celebrate a male “homemaker” as avant-garde, but would instinctively consider a female equivalent to be some kind of victim — a banal product of the status quo.

I wonder if historical momentum — this sense that our communal, archetypal “grandmother” (/suffragette/trailblazer) fought so hard for us — has made us feel that the “traditional” must be vehemently rejected. In the end though, the fight was about the right to choose.

3. Lady, does it matter if you want it?

In a lot of ways, if/when women cross that 50 percent line, the reason behind it won’t matter. Because there will be change. And we will learn from it.

For starters, it will give a lot of families their first taste of what it feels like for a woman to be bringing home much — if not all — of the household income. Masculinity tied up in the idea of being a “breadwinner”? Skeptical of how a change in relative financial status will affect your relationship? Curious about how the children will respond to a more involved daddy? These things will all be worked out.

Furthermore, a lot of men will have their first experience performing a host of less-than-glamorous domestic duties — like dusting windowsills and booking kids in for their semi-annual dentist appointments. This will set an important precedent. So, even after Dad returns to work, there will be no excuse for Mom to shoulder the entire burden of household labor.

It just might change what we consider to be a masculine versus a feminine role.

Who knows — workplaces themselves might be tangibly transformed. Take the case of my darling maternal unit who, year after year, spends her summers freezing cold. Why? Because her office building is cooled to just the right degree to please a well-built gentleman in a full suit. When the 50 percent line is crossed, men might just have to sweat it out a bit.

Could this recession be the end of formal business attire?

Really, having anywhere near 50 percent of the workforce be comprised of women is a momentous achievement — an almost unfathomable evolution from our mothers’ generation. And it’s right for us to celebrate, although perhaps with a degree of reflection on how our goals may have changed.

In the meantime, perhaps my hypothetical honey and I are even going to have to reconsider our hypothetical behavior come Valentine’s Saturday.