This week we’ve found ourselves in some seriously sticky situations — and, no, we’re not just talking about all the peanut butter that has gone bad. We’re talking about water and Wikipedia both making headlines as students across the spectrum were outspoken about a number of issues, from sustainability to Gaza, making claims both HEROICALLY awesome and VILLAINOUSLY shoddy in substance.

First, we heard about the HEROIC efforts of the University to step up and support a panel to foster discussion and boost, well, more discussion. When we got there we found a slew of views backed by the HEROIC Wikipedia. Wikipedia? Really? Yeah, we questioned its legitimacy too. That is until we looked up Wiki late last night on Wiki only to find the entry had HEROICALLY been changed to say something about its complete and utterly legitimate truthfulness and accurate reportage of the facts on extremely complex and controversial issues such as conflict in the Middle East. We know: totally HEROIC!

Another HEROIC feat made headlines with week: Wash U. banned all bottled water on its campus. Hurray for the HEROIC Mother Earth! We love you, mama!

We were VILLAINOUSLY taken aback, though, when we saw a gaggle of goons from The Cornell Review celebrating a self-proclaimed Bottled Water Appreciation Day on Ho Plaza. Seriously, guys? Don’t you have anything better to do? How about at least shifting the focus to a more HEROIC Bottled Alcohol Day — that’d be more like it. Who doesn’t like Vodka in Aquafina bottles? Don’t you know?

In other VILLAINOUS news, during this VILLAINOUS depression we just flat out don’t understand why the Engineering Career Fair won’t happen Monday. I guess engineers will just have to join AEM and PAM and other business, economic, finance, banking and altogether fratty majors in the HEROIC “please-hire-me-because-I-seriously-cannot-find-a-freaking-job” club. That’s too bad. Sad times.

We were excited to hear that famed architect and alumnus Peter Eisenman ’55 would be coming back to campus this week to talk about HEROIC Holocaust memorials and the like. But when he got here and started yapping about Zyklon B, Degussa and VILLAINOUSLY stolen golden teeth, we furrowed our brows in a seriously VILLAINOUS expression and thought about staging a HEROIC protest of our own. If we had one HEROIC flag for every time something controversial happened in AAP the past few weeks, well, let’s just say we’d have a lot of flags.

We were bummed that the convocation speaker wasn’t announced at yesterday’s VILLAINOUS S.A. meeting, but it’s OK, who cares about that crap anywho?

On a finally uplifting and HEROIC note, men’s lacrosse starts Saturday! Guess that means there’ll be a significant drop in attendance at the SEMI-HEROIC J.Os in the weeks to come. Not to worry, this past week was the week of “Ws”: Water, Wikipedia and, er, Wasted? I guess we’re just really, really, really ready for the VILLAINOUS compet to end so we can reinstate drinking at the batcave. Inside joke, anyone? Have a HEROIC weekend.