The words “by-line funding” seem to punctuate the arguments of people feuding over Cornell Cinema budget allocations more often than defenders of the cinema smoke cloves and talk about what hipsters they are (ahem, Sun arts staff). But one thing seems amiss in these impassioned debates — few actually know what the heck by-line funding is. So, we here at the Berry Patch have spent the last three-and-a-half minutes digging through the annals of the Student Assembly Charter to bring you the facts you need to know about by-line funding (and our feeble attempt to interpret them) ...

What is By-Line Funding?

The S.A. Charter defines by-line funding as “line item funding that comes directly from the [Student Activity Fee] and not from an intermediary source, such as the [Student Assembly Finance Commission].” So that means, according to our extensive knowledge of the movie Office Space, that the S.A. launders money to its constituents through the SAFC. Now if only we could get a used-to-be-crack-addict who now sells magazine subscriptions to help us figure out what this all means ...

How is the Amount of Money Allocated to the SAFC Determined?

“The SAFC by-line funding allocation shall be raised only in proportion to the percentage increase in the inflation of the dollar or increase in the undergraduate population of Cornell University,” the Charter states. We don’t know much about inflation, but we do know that last spring, the University announced that it would add an additional 100 students to the Class of 2013. Looks like the S.A. has the power to allocate some additional dollars for by-line funding. If only there was an erstwhile place to invest this money ...

Who Gets By-Line Funding?

“An organization wishing to receive by-line funding must demonstrate ... its activities are of direct and primary benefit to the entire Cornell community represented by the respective assembly.” All of these groups get funding just because they do a service to Cornell? And here, the rest are left out in the cold, forced to raise “philanthropy” funds by holding bake sales outside Johnny O’s ...

Who Has to Go to the Friggin’ Meetings?

“Each by-line funded organization, including the Directors of Student Activities, Campus Life, the GPSA and the Dean of Students shall be notified of any S.A., S.A. Appropriations Committee, or other meeting in which legislation concerning or affecting Fee recipients is pending,” the charter explains. We were looking for our name on the list, but thank the lord we at the Berry Patch don’t have to go to by-line funding meetings and wade through piles of — gasp! — numbers (though we do contribute a hell of a lot to Cornell). We’ll leave the computations to the experts ...