A couple of summers ago, I found myself in the back of my Jeep with a Canadian, rebounding out of a very serious relationship. Things were heating up and hands were starting to venture south. I slowly undid his belt, then the button and zipper on his jeans. I reached my hand inside his pants and grabbed on. But something seemed different … there was a lot of skin down there. I poked around for a hot second, then quickly removed my hand. Being the nice Jewish girl that I am, I went home that night to Google and typed in the nine letters I hoped would prove me wrong: f-o-r-e-s-k-i-n.
I’m going to assume that unless you’ve been with a foreign student, you haven’t had much experience with foreskin. About 80 percent of American children are circumcised, but this practice isn’t shared by the rest of the world. Being American often comes with the belief that the way we do things is the only way to do things, so most women have absolutely no idea what to do when they get a handful of excess packaging. Let me explain, so you too can enjoy the variety the world of penises has to offer.
Foreskin is the retractable layer of skin that covers the top of the penis when it is not erect. To me, it looks like a tube sock around the penis, or even a turtleneck (the part of the animal, not the clothing) that joins the rest of the penis at the beginning of the shaft. When a man is circumcised, the tube sock is cut off, leaving the tip of the penis exposed. If you’re Jewish like me, we do this in the middle of our living room, and invite family and friends over to watch.
OK, I’m about to get down and dirty, so bear with me. Because the foreskin covers the tip of the penis, it preserves sensitivity that is lost when one is circumcised. The penis on a circumcised man constantly rubs against his pants, hands and other people, causing the tip to become more calloused than an uncircumcised man’s penis, which is protected by the foreskin.
As a result, uncircumcised men have greater sensation in their penis. This means that they are more likely to suffer from premature ejaculation than their non-foreskinned friends; but, at the same time, circumcised men are more likely to have prolonged erections without ejaculation, proving my personal theory that penises are stupid.
Sex with the uncircumcised is believed to be a more enjoyable experience for women as well, and I have to agree. Although a turtleneck is never sexy in any situation, it’s a small price to pay for the benefits of foreskin. When an uncircumcised penis becomes erect, the tip expands out of the foreskin, leaving excess skin on the shaft. During intercourse this excess skin moves with the woman, while the rest of the penis moves with the thrusting of the man — kinda like one of those water weenies that are always in aquarium gift shops.
Of course, I didn’t know any of this at the time of my first foreskin exposure. So, I solicited the help of my sluttiest, summer-camp-attending Canadian friends to explain what to do with a penis in a sleeping bag. “It’s like a push pop,” she told me. “You just pull down on the extra skin and enjoy the delicious treat inside.” I didn’t like the idea that I didn’t know what I was doing down there, but I decided it would be a learning experience and I should give it a shot.
Several nights later, my exotic Canadian lover and I found ourselves in the backseat of my Jeep once again. But this time I was prepared: I had the ammo of the advice of a slut and several somewhat disturbing Google images. I did my best to deal with the situation at hand, and it seemed as though he was enjoying himself. But the most surprising part was that I liked it. And I’ve been a huge spokesperson for the uncircumcised ever since.
Jess H. is a senior in the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences. She may be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. Girl On Top appears alternate Thursdays this semester.