I like my ice cream vanilla, and sometimes I like my sex to follow suit. Admittedly, missionary is great, girl-on-top has its perks and doggy style is always a crowd pleaser, but there are times when I just want to hand over the reigns.
Maybe that’s how my sexual slippery slope started.
I don’t know when my experimentation outside the socially normative world of conventional sex began. It must have something to do with that time I got handcuffed by the cops in the seventh grade. Never been the same. I’ve always harbored a semi-secret affinity for something a little rougher — sex that fell far from tender. My wardrobe has expanded over the years to include several pieces of pleather bar-wear that conveniently double as post-bar bedroom-wear. My dominatrix dress hangs innocently in my closet just waiting for a willing/deserving recipient — or the liquid courage to zip it up for a night at Dunbars.
I consider myself pretty tamely into S&M. I’m not about to call a guy “master” or vice versa — donning some pleather and a little rough-and-tumble manhandling is more up my alley. I’ll spare the gritty details of my erotic asphyxiation. Cosmopolitan Magazine recently reported that 60 percent of readers are into the idea of incorporating handcuffs and blindfolds into their sex lives but haven’t found the right way to broach the subject with their significant others. While props like these are on the relatively mild side of the S&M spectrum, suggesting that your partner handcuff you to the bedpost might be a tricky conversation to navigate. Once you tackle the initial proposition, the worst is over.
Your partner might not need convincing, but if he does, just lay out the perks. Blindfolding: who doesn’t love a surprise party? This is JUST like a surprise party except you’re both naked and no one has to do the awkward hiding thing. Hate that. Handcuffs: Total surrender/complete domination. This is an opportunity to be entirely guilt-freely selfish or, on the other hand, call all the shots. If you get a pair of the furry handcuffs then it’s a double win — minimal effort and a comfy, warm wrist massage.
According to the Kinsey Institute, 14 percent of men and 11 percent of women report that they have experimented with S&M— this could mean anything from some hot spanking to some seriously tricky bondage. I’ve never been one to risk rope burn — I’m more into being manually restrained. I tend to try to retain a little bit of comfort even in the midst of my most intense of S&M moments. That being said, the whole point of S&M is to derive some pleasure from pain endorphins. Fifty-five percent of men and 50 percent of women report that they get turned on by biting — a statistic that bodes well for all of us wannabe vampires out there. Show me your teeth.
No matter how comfortable your partner and you are with playing rough, the main rule to remember: always have a safe word. Personally, mine is “wtfgetthehelloffme,” but you might want to come up with something a little more concise. Everyone has limits; it’s important have an easy tip-off word so that your moans are correctly interpreted.
S&M might get kind of a bad rap, but fun fetishes should never remain untapped. Odds are that there are some closeted kinks who aren’t quite ready to publicly let their freak flags fly for one reason or another. Sex assured: dominance and submission play is a natural desire — there’s something powerfully hot about knowing you are completely in or out of control. Thankfully, the notion that S&M practitioners suffer from a type of mental disorder has fallen by the wayside. Of course, there is definitely some social stigma associated with throwing on your favorite collar and leash and taking a lovely mid-afternoon walk through the dog park, but hey, you win some, you lose some. Sex is all about finding out what turns you on, so don’t shy away if the crack of a whip makes your knees turn to pleather-clad jello.
Also, I lied about getting arrested. That didn’t happen until the ninth grade.
The Preacher’s Daughter is a senior in the College of Arts and Sciences. She may be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. Decent Exposure appears alternate Thursdays this semester.