As is written in The Sun’s bylaws, we shall, from time to time, address our readers and tell them of the greatest HEROES and the most despicable VILLAINS to grace our campus.

Definitely the most HEROIC moment since classes let out last semester was the announcement of Cornell’s HEROICALLY HEROIC tech campus. There can be nothing VILLAINOUS about our tech campus, because we won and the truly VILLAINOUS Stanford lost. Early plans for the campus have it set in pure gold and generating enough independent clean energy to power all of Manhattan and half of Brooklyn. Joining the roster of HEROES is Charles Feeney ’56, who donated a cool $350 million to seal the deal, and New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg, who will now forever be known as “that guy who brought Cornell’s tech campus to the city.”

We also applaud the University’s HEROIC initiatives to end the VILLAINOUS plague of high-risk drinking on our campus. While some VILLAINOUS freshmen may still be sulking in the dark corners of Donlon Hall with a handle of Barton’s, the HEROICALLY named Blackout Party was a first step in the right direction. However, not enough was done to truly engage those in danger. In order for this HEROIC effort to succeed, the University must be willing to think outside the box, and create a safe environment where people feel comfortable whether they can drink or not. Besides an oddly VILLAINOUS name, the Bear’s Den should be a big success for Cornell, and we hope to see it serving up HEROIC brews to students soon.

The University needs to protect some of the most HEROIC programs at Cornell: critical languages. These language programs, deemed by the United States government to be necessary for national security, literally train HEROES. For example, Cornellians need to be able to study Khumer in case they are ever off protecting our country against the VILLAINOUS Pol Pot. Not protecting these HEROIC critical languages would be a VILLAINOUS mistake.

We’d also like to take a moment and highlight the HEROIC act of Cornell’s Student Assembly cutting its own budget for this year. It takes a truly HEROIC group of individuals to sacrifice the VILLAINOUS customized polo shirts and catered gourmet dinners necessary to make the tough decisions facing our elected student officials. We salute you, HEROES.

This past week saw some HEROIC weather, no doubt a byproduct of VILLAINOUS global warming (or is it HEROIC global warming? Our tans are looking pretty sweet …). While we certainly care about what 60 degrees in an Ithacan February means for the well-being of the planet, we were too busy rocking shorts to care that much.