Opinion

Fighting the Good Fight

Apr 10, 2007

Deckhead:

Editorial

Body:

While it may not have the flair of K Street or the personalities of Capitol Hill, the City of Ithaca certainly has demonstrated that it has the power to draft legislation worthy of the national spotlight.

Porn in the U.S.A.

Nikki Nussbaum  —  Apr 10, 2007

Deckhead:

Cornell Unzipped

Body:

Spring Break is officially over for Cornellians. While students at other schools went home to warm, spring weather, ideal for revealing outfits and all sorts of spring feverish activities, we returned to our beloved cold winds, snowy skies and puffy, unflattering parkas. There aren’t any overblown holidays coming up to celebrate with scandalous costumes, excusing any less-than-chaste behavior. Nope, if we Cornellians want to see any nearly naked bronzed babes, all we have is our porn.

An American Werewolf in Ithaca

Andrew Webb  —  Apr 9, 2007

Deckhead:

Confessions of a Mental Patient

Body:

Since every columnist has decided that they should tell a personal story that they think is interesting, I too will tell one.

Sitting in my bed with my head in my hands — wearing only briefs — I have to make a decision fast ... what to wear? I need something that will turn heads, something killer. I was supposed to pick this girl up an hour ago, but someone once told me that girls like it when you’re late. Stop shaking. My friend set this whole thing up. I have never met her before. Can she fill the void that has been left in my heart?

Joining the Party

Apr 9, 2007

Deckhead:

Editorial

Body:

With nearly every Ancient Eight institution reporting record low acceptance rates this year, Cornell can now officially say it has joined the party.

Today, The Sun announced that C.U.’s admissions rate for its incoming class dropped from 24.7 percent last year to this year’s all-time low of 20.5 percent. This decrease came with a remarkable 8 percent increase in applications. Of the 30,382 early and regular decision applicants this year, 6,229 were accepted, 3,223 were waitlisted and 18,419 were denied.

Put Your Rhetoric Where Your Mouth Is

Megan Sweeney  —  Apr 9, 2007

Deckhead:

The 700 Level

Body:

“So much diversity in one university” is a phrase that follows every Cornellian throughout their time on East Hill. From our first year on campus, we are told not just to accept differences, but to embrace them in an effort to receive a seemingly enlightened education.

A Greek Tragedy

Eric Finkelstein  —  Apr 9, 2007

Deckhead:

Saturdays Excepted

Body:

When it comes to its outwardly-expressed views on the Greek system, Cornell has recently been broken into two groups (which I exaggerate a bit for effect):

Group 1: “Fraternities and sororities are the spawn of Satan and should be destroyed. Their members deserve to be expelled immediately and marooned on a deserted island never to be heard from again.”

Zimbabwe Crumbles

Jeff Purcell  —  Apr 9, 2007

Deckhead:

Brutal Honesty

Body:

The crisis in Zimbabwe might be reaching its climax. Dozens of stories have appeared in the most prominent publications describing the freefall in the country. If only our eyes were wider sooner.

Zimbabwe’s 13 million people have the lowest life expectancy on earth — women can expect death at 34 and men by 37. Inflation is over 1000 percent and for some time currency has been used as toilet paper in many places, including the capital, Harare. Because trade stopped and shelves were empty, the money retained but one use. In May, a roll of toilet paper cost over 140,000 Zim dollars.

Walking Backwards to Work

Julia Levy  —  Apr 6, 2007

Deckhead:

One Year Out

Body:

For the next two weeks, I hereby certify you in walking backwards. Your mission as a current student, should you choose to embrace it, is to serve as an instant tour guide to the prospective members of Cornell’s Class of 2011. As an ad hoc ambassador, you will be stopped in the morning on your way to class by parents who ask, “How do you like it here?” Later in the day, sporting their Big Red apparel, these future Cornell families will tour the residence halls, questioning occupants about sleeping, studying and socializing in cozy quarters. And at dinner, you will endure longer than usual lines while these guests taste-test award winning Cornell Dining, breathing a sigh of relief upon seeing the wok at Mongo Grill, but worried at the possibility of their children eating waffles topped with ice cream for breakfast.

Passover in I-Town

Jax  —  Apr 6, 2007

Deckhead:

Everything In Its Right Place

Body:

Kvetch!

Apr 6, 2007

Body:

Hey, it’s Friday again. We, the Sun columnists, are mad as hell and are not going to take it anymore. That means we get to...

Vent

I love the taste of matzah … (Pause) … NOT! This stuff is awful — and yet it’s essentially all I’m eating for eight days. That’s right — it’s Passover again. And Jews across campus are abstaining from bread and other forms of “chametz.” What’s chametz, you ask? A better question is what isn’t chametz. Fortunately, the good folks at Noyes’ Cosmos on West Campus have answered it by kindly setting up a Kosher-for-Passover section, complete with three — count them, three! — items. The first: You guessed it — matzah (comes in regular and whole wheat!). The second: Candy Fruit Slices (these are actually pretty good). And last but not least (don’t laugh): Borscht! Yes, borscht: Cold. Beet. Soup. Would somebody please take away my belt and my shoelaces? I think I’m going on suicide watch.

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