Big news in Intramural Sports this weekend, as the National Council on Everything Intramural (NCEI) ruled on a long awaited proposal that would allow video instant replay at intramural games. The NCEI ruled 10,000 to 30 to allow cameras, setting off a wave of joy — mixed with trepidation — across the IM community. As a Division I program, the ruling will indeed affect Cornell.

“I don’t know, honestly,” said Burt Smithers, acting president of the National Council on Intramural Sports (NCIS). The NCIS represents the more conservative interests of the IM community. “I think this ruling is a slippery slope. If we allow cameras, how long will it be until we have recruitment and contracts being drawn up between rival IM franchises? I can imagine a day in the not-so-far future when the salary of top IM stars has increased into the hundreds of dollars. And I just don’t think this is the direction we want for our venerable tradition.”

For its part, Cornell has said it will comply with the NCEI’s ruling, despite the objections of the NCIS. “No know really cares about those guys, anyways,” said an anonymous Red source who declined to be quoted by Sun reporters.

Logistically, the new technology should not affect play much, with cameras being installed at unobtrusive points on all IM playing fields, including Jessup Field and Barton Hall. Referees will also be required to take a special course that will train them in the art of instant replay and of course “Slow Mo.”

In related news, following the outpouring of support and the very-well attended Facebook event, Cornell has decided to bring back IM ice hockey. There will be only minimal changes, officials reported: teams will now be playing in the parking lot to the right of Lynah Rink, and not on the actual ice. Also, players will no longer be allowed to skate, but will instead “walk or run at a pace deemed safe for all participants.”

The contents of this story are completely fabricated and are not intended to be taken seriously. This piece was featured in The Sun's 2009 Halloween issue.