Candy-Cane Progression

Deckhead:

Tarnishing the Tiara

Body:

At the age of eighteen I was vaguely resentful, as most middle-class children are, that my parents did not imbue me with sound advice upon my leaving home. As I sit here feeling a not wholly unwarranted maternal concern for the freshmen, I realize the dilemma my parents must have faced regarding preparation-for-the-world-advice. There is really nothing I, nor anybody, can say which will prepare you for the hurly-burly chaos of life. However, I can give a few pointers that may guide you through those half-dozen blocks that comprise Collegetown.