Flashback: It was the best of times; it was the worst of times. The year was 2007. The place, here. And two newly sororitized girls awoke in a haze. Where specifically they were, we cannot say, and whence specifically they were, we cannot say either. Except that it was a Tuesday morning, they were outdoors (?) and sobriety managed to elude them. Nothing new. Those days it was drunk on the reg, yachts on the reg, poppin’ caps on the reg, stealin’ cars on the reg, run-on sentences on the reg …

R: that’s enough.

While the Collegetown Neighborhood Council discussed updates on the Collegetown Planning Initiative and the installation of a traffic signal on Dryden Road at yesterday’s monthly meeting, the main point of discussion was the student-initiated Collegetown Trash, Recycling and Art Project.

Quick question: Did you know there was another concert besides Maroon 5 on Sunday night? To my surprise (and sadness, as I ripped up my A-Levine ticket), there was! In the quiet neighborhood that is College Ave., house number 106 held what turned out to be three incredible and fresh bands. The Fanclub concert’s headliner was Real Estate, a band from New Jersey, preceded by two opening bands: the awesomeAWESOMES and Madres de Juarez.

The show was set in the typical college house. The audience was in the living room — giving off the vibe of just hanging out, listening to your friends sing karaoke. The stage, a long dining room, was equipped with Baldwin Kruegan amps and Yamaha speakers with a tie-dye sheet acting as the backdrop.

Local grocery vendor Wilson Farms was the subject of an attempted robbery Sunday night, at approximately 10:49 p.m., the Ithaca Police Department said yesterday.

Talk in my last column of lace- and otherwise scantily-clad women on the Fall ’09 Runway generated conversation among some of my friends and my editor about Cornell students’ most frequent occasion for getting scandalous: going out. I was going to say: “Friday and Saturday nights,” and then I remembered how the weekend apparently starts on Wednesday. As if there were not enough to figure out, getting dressed to go out is complicated by our lovely fall / winter weather.

Dudes can be cruel to be kind. As a womyn, I can say that. Dudes, you can be cruel — to be “kind” — either to embarrass us or reproduce with us.

Case in point: about a month ago I was walking to a party with my gal pal. We were gabbing about, you know, Sex and the City, and which character we’re most like, and what sort of vodka-tinis we’d be imbibing later, and then we talked about doing our nails, and kissing boys and having the red tide come visit us every 28 days.

Disclaimer: What you’re about to read is really, really gross. If you’re a weak-stomached pansy-ass, this is about as far as we recommend you go. Better luck next week, pansies-ass-pansies. You’ll have to get your superfuntimes another day.

So here goes. The other day, R and R went to the gym as they occasionally do after apple festivals, and they were feeling pretty good. One R took to the treadmill while the other R mounted her usual weird-elliptical-treadmill-hybrid-thing and began to ...

R: WORK IT!

The Ithaca Police Department has released new information relating to the “forcible touching incident” that occurred on the 300 block of College Ave. at around 12:15 a.m. on Sept. 5.

On Monday, the IPD issued a press release, more than a week after the incident, that contains a description of the two suspects. According to the statement, the first suspect is a “white male, thin build, short brown hair, brown eyes, with scruffy facial hair, 5’8” tall, with a large gap in his front teeth.” The second suspect is “5’6” tall, heavy build, brown hair, brown eyes, and as being dirty.”

On the first night of Orientation Week, alone and lost, I called my roommate in a tearful panic.

“Jenni, where are you?” she screamed into the phone.

“I’m lost. I can’t see you. I don’t know where I am. I think I’m about to get arrested.” I cried and ran to hide behind a bush as a police car drove past me. I was living out everyone’s worst first week of college fears. Alone, slightly intoxicated and completely disoriented — I couldn’t imagine a worse way to start off the year.

“Just look at the street signs. What do they say?”

“Um … Cook and Eddy,” I managed to spit out through my tears. There was a click at the other end of the line — I’d been hung up on.

The 2009 Collegetown Urban Plan and Conceptual Design Guidelines, a document containing specific master planning recommendations for the neighborhood bearing its name, has, after a years-long process, earned the endorsement of the Common Council. The plan, originally created by Goody Clancy Consultants, has undergone changes and revisions as residents and student constituencies have butted heads over the future development of Collegetown.