I met her at a rest stop in Blandford, Mass. this past Sunday. I was standing in front of a wall of snack food at the gift shop when I saw her slowly pacing through the adjoining Sbarro’s, squinting through her glasses at the grease-soaked pizzas on display.

I went numb.

I’d caught just a glimpse of her, out of the corner of my eye no less, but I knew it was her instantly. It was a sub-conscious recognition, as if I’d already memorized her every dimension, as if hours of television exposure allowed me to keep a mental blueprint of each of her distinguishing traits.

So, you’ve decided to read my column, huh? Probably not because of my sassy intro. Or that classy title my lovely editor has managed to come up with this time. No, I’m pretty sure it was that sexy, breathtaking picture of me lurking slightly down and to the right. The one that made you mutter those three fateful words: “What a fox.”

Last week’s Sun news article “Libe Café Employees Protest Uniform Policy” explored the widespread opposition of Libe’s employees to Cornell Dining’s policy of wearing hats while serving. Their dissent was understandable. However, what struck me about the article were the statements made by a number of “regular customers.” They noted that the hats looked “silly” and made Libe “look like a dining hall”; to that end, one employee was told she “looked like a lunch lady.” Some workers therefore felt that the policy “hurts relationships with their customers.”

Beauty queens have put world peace on the back burner. In an interview on MSNBC’s Today Show this week, former Miss California Carrie Prejean said that she has been “Palinized” by the media for voicing her opposition to gay marriage during the Miss USA pageant in April. (To be “Palinized,” she explains, is to be unfairly scrutinized because you are a conservative woman. This is not to be confused with “Palinated,” which is to be propelled to the forefront of conservative politics despite being incompetent because you are a former beauty queen.) Prejean’s assertion that “marriage should be between a man and a woman” certainly attracted heavy scrutiny from gay rights activists and left-wing commentators like Keith Olbermann.

9 p.m. Rainy season. Friday night. I was standing in the open air hallway when a mo-ped drove in with a bundle of cloth thrown over the driver’s lap. He jumped off the bike yelling, “Dogo toro” (doctor in the local language). Within the swaddle, lay a two-year-old girl drenched in sweat, barely breathing audibly. We placed her in a bed and I immediately examined her for severe malaria.

There she is again. That girl that you really like. That one you have such a good rapport with, that you see every day in Libe Café when she orders an iced skim vanilla latte (this is me putting a mundane, over-ordered drink by the majority of female café customers to make a random reader think that I am writing this article solely about them … or am I?) or that you share your text message joke-of-the-day with every week at your Cornell Cheese Club Exec Board Meeting.

One of the most popular majors on campus, biology serves as a gateway to the medical profession, as well as a department for crucial research in areas such as pharmaceutics and genetics. Although we applaud the attention paid to the major in the form of a recent revamping, we are, nonetheless, disappointed with the low level of transparency on the part of the Biology Curriculum Transition Committee throughout the process.

A couple of summers ago, I found myself in the back of my Jeep with a Canadian, rebounding out of a very serious relationship. Things were heating up and hands were starting to venture south. I slowly undid his belt, then the button and zipper on his jeans. I reached my hand inside his pants and grabbed on. But something seemed different … there was a lot of skin down there. I poked around for a hot second, then quickly removed my hand. Being the nice Jewish girl that I am, I went home that night to Google and typed in the nine letters I hoped would prove me wrong: f-o-r-e-s-k-i-n.

The Faculty Senate will vote today on a measure to support or discourage the University from leasing land to private drilling companies in search of natural gas in the Marcellus Shale. We urge the senate to vote against this leasing and drilling.

While natural gas produces far fewer amounts of pollutants than any other fossil fuel, the risks involved in its extraction are, as of now, far too dangerous. Before the University leases any land for drilling, stringent safety measures must be implemented to ensure that the social, economic and environmental impacts are minimal.

While the health care plan that passed in the House on Saturday elicited mass celebration amongst advocates of health care reform, for a largely voiceless group of Americans — namely, low-income women — this historic bill hardly signifies a “courageous vote,” as President Obama suggests.