As the Student Assembly upheld a 22-percent cut in byline funding for Cornell Cinema last week, a number of issues surfaced that must not go overlooked. Aside from the cultural misfortunes that this budget slash would bring, we take issue with the manner in which the cuts were implemented, and what this decision will mean for the future of student funding at Cornell.

Conflicting Interests

Rogue, the X-Man, has the superpower of sucking the life out of everything she touches. Palin, the ex-governor, can relate.

The first time she unleashed her great power, you’ll recall, she killed John McCain’s 2008 election bid (albeit not an extraordinary feat). Then, mere months after returning to Alaska, she terminated her own governorship amidst mounting ethics complaints — and mounting speculation that her 15 minutes of fame might be up.

It probably comes as no surprise that college students make up one of the unhealthiest demographics in the country. Part of it comes from the “invincibility-complex” that plagues every incoming freshman. Trust me, I’ve been there. I can’t even begin to count how many times I headed to class in shorts and a t-shirt when the temperatures were below freezing outside. But then when you graduate, you realize just how senseless you were all those days and you finally understand that if you actually took a few seconds to take care of yourself that you wouldn’t have been sick as often as you were.

While the strict Student Assembly Finance Committee guidelines intend to impart fairness in the distribution of funding to student groups, these rigid rules have instead prevented certain groups from fulfilling their mission. Such is the case with Sexual Awareness for Everyone, a student group that works to educate students on sexual health topics and promote safe sex practices.

In order to fulfill their goal, SAFE requested funding for condoms, lube and dental dams to distribute free of cost to the Cornell community. A clause in the guidelines prohibited the group from receiving funds. It is clear that the SAFC needs to revisit its guidelines so as not to thwart worthwhile causes due to bureaucratic practices.

J: Yo, whattup bitches? It’s your two favorite (by default) Cornell sex columnists (from this year).

J: We like to aim for the stars.

J: So, I’m sitting here in my boxers waiting for Jess to touch it.

J: I’m not going to touch it.

J: C’mon, you can type with one hand!

J: I thought you hated hand jobs.

J: This is true. I do, however, like hand jobs from girls with tiny hands so it looks Honey-I-Shrunk-the-Kids-disproportionately-huge.

Historical precedent has been getting a lot of play in the news lately. Whether they’re discussing financial collapse or imperialist expansion, decaying morals or civil rights, pundits love to center on a few, oft-cited examples: the Great Depression, Vietnam, Hitler. By mixing historical anecdote into their analysis, the talking (and twittering) heads try to add a touch of gravity and validity to their arguments.

I often daydream about beating up my enemies. Usually in these daydreams, I’m wearing an awesome Wonder Woman costume.

I approach said naysayers and say, “Naysayers?”

“Yes, Julie?” Except instead of Julie they use a word that starts with B and ends in -itch.

“Hiyaaaaaaaaa!” (Those are my mad ninja sounds.) “Prepare to get an ass whooping!”

And then I whoop their respective asses.

To what extent do we know how to know?

In response to the global economic crisis, people have been debating what went wrong and how we can prevent a future collapse. There are those who advocate the full-fledged transformation of our financial institutions — stricter regulations and an end to sky-high bonuses that promote risk-taking behavior. Others suggest a change in societal values — curtailing the off-the-charts consumption and insatiable greed that permeated the subprime era.

Correction Appended

Students at Northwestern’s school of journalism are doing more than learning to write ledes, conduct interviews and blog. Instead, they have worked toward and succeeded at exonerating innocent inmates who have been wrongfully accused. But now, the group of students who take part in the Medill Innocence Project are being threatened by a demand by local prosecution to hand over information surrounding a current investigation.

One of my Facebook friends posted a status that was all, “Why can’t The Sun publish educated opinions?” So, here goes nothing: David Foster Wallace is the poor man’s Thomas Pynchon ’59. Pynchon is the pretentious man’s Vonnegut ’44. Bam. Moving on.

Last weekend, my friend (who has recently found the man of his dreams) expressed his concern over my own lack of significant other. Heretofore, I’ve remained relatively indifferent on the subject. But then he told me that boyfriends buy you things. Suffice it to say, I’m down.