For Cornell students, Thanksgiving is more than just an opportunity to spend time with family, eat a home-cooked meal or reflect on the things in our lives for which we are most grateful. It’s also a much-anticipated — though teasingly-brief — escape from the increasingly depressing atmosphere of pre-finals Cornell to the kind of stress-free relaxation that can only result from free laundry and vacuumed floors. Right about now, many Cornellians are starting to slip into that self-pitying state when 60-degree weather is long-gone and spring break seems so far away it might as well be at the vet school.

Now, this may come as a shock, but here in the frozen Ivy League depths of Cornell, we don’t exactly have the same college experience as our friends over at schools like Indiana, Miami or Arizona State. While we’re working on problem sets in office hours or studying for our next prelim in Mann Libe, other members of our generation get to tan by the pool, barbeque at sunny football tailgates or even just wear tank tops without worrying about frostbite. For them, it seems there are unlimited opportunities to party, while for us, come winter time and prelims, it’s goodbye fruity cocktails, hello Uris Library Cocktail Lounge.

Maybe I’m just a little cynical, but when someone tells me about some great deal where I can get this $60-value for only $29.99 plus a free limited edition Ronald Reagan Tribute Coin, my first thoughts are, “What sucks about this, and why is it so easy to get?” When things are very available, it usually means they aren’t that great. Because of this concept, it is generally agreed upon that the most attractive girls are also the most “hard-to-get.”

Along with being at the top of his class, the stereotypical Cornell-bound high school senior enjoyed the perks of being at the top of his “game.” He could easily impress the younger girl(s) of his choice and had suddenly become the only age-appropriate dating option for his graduating female counterparts. When he was told that 13,655 students attend Cornell each year, what he actually heard was “6,828 girls to pick from.” What his pre-Ivy League education did not help him realize was that for every eager freshman boy like himself on Cornell’s campus, there are three older, more accomplished and experienced upperclassmen competing to attract those same girls.

I wouldn’t really say that my four roommates or I are sluts. Of course we’ve enjoyed just as many rounds of tonsil hockey as the next group of hormonally-charged college girls, but we are each sexually selective in our own right. Each one of us has a unique set of qualities we find attractive, ranging from preppy-metro guys with Zach Efron haircuts to furry little Jewish boys with really big … cars. Having been rather proud of our individual choosiness, I was shocked when I learned that, between the five of us, in our just two years at Cornell, we’d collectively hooked up with 60 different people.

Raise your hand if you were also excited about the reunion of the Spice Girls this summer. When I heard about it and saw their new picture, in which they actually look really pretty and normal, it meant one thing: feminism is back, and this time with a new and improved attitude. No longer are the Girls exploiting their sexuality in flag-emblazoned booty shorts, or trying to fit a superficial mold of “baby” or “sporty.” Now they’re just normal girls — well, maybe except for Victoria Beckham — being themselves and doing what they love to do.

Deckhead:

Cornell Unzipped

Body:

Right now, Cornell is a lot like that weird little singing boy Sanjaya from American Idol: it’s out. Everyone’s basically had it with Cornell at this point, with all of its finals, papers, blocked bridges and lack of beaches. You all just can’t wait for the summer so that you can travel and party and finally relax.

Deckhead:

Cornell Unzipped

Body:

Spring Break is officially over for Cornellians. While students at other schools went home to warm, spring weather, ideal for revealing outfits and all sorts of spring feverish activities, we returned to our beloved cold winds, snowy skies and puffy, unflattering parkas. There aren’t any overblown holidays coming up to celebrate with scandalous costumes, excusing any less-than-chaste behavior. Nope, if we Cornellians want to see any nearly naked bronzed babes, all we have is our porn.

Deckhead:

Cornell Unzipped

Body:

There is a time and a place for Cornell students to have casual sex. It’s called Spring Break. Better judgment seems to take a sudden vacation when you visit a place where the shots are free if you dance on the bar and the dress code is “wear something.” Like any good orgy, everyone at Spring Break is looking for a commitment-less good time. After an entire week spent downing as many shots as you can afford and judging people solely based on the way they look in a bathing suit, our inner demons are bound to make an appearance.

Deckhead:

Cornell Unzipped

Body:

So I’m sitting on a bench outside of Trillium, minding my own business, when this couple sits down next to me. I knew they were a couple because they were holding hands, and because the girl kept twisting her hair around her fingers the way girls do only when they are in the company of their boyfriends. I decide to just turn up the volume on my iPod and focus on my copy of The Sun, until my latte gets bumped into by an elbow and spills on the article I am reading.