Recent Updates by Topic
Popular Content
Sucking the Teat Of High Society
May 1, 2008 - 12:00amThis semester I’ve written a lot about my desire to find a hunky wealthy husband who can jumpstart my path to fame and power. So for my last column, I want to give everyone a little advice about some of the things I think we should all try to accomplish this summer to achieve these goals. For those who are graduating, you basically missed your chance — good riddance. But for those who still have a chance to make something of themselves before returning to campus, take good notes.
Faking His Way to The Top: A cautionary tale
April 17, 2008 - 12:00amIf you haven’t heard, Yale is abuzz with the most outlandish scandal in the Ivy League. Last Tuesday, The Yale Daily News reported that 26-year-old Akash Maharaj was arrested in September on charges of larceny and forgery for allegedly faking his application to Yale and stealing some $46,000 in financial aid. As the story continues to unfold, however, we are learning that there are even more ridiculous pieces of the puzzle. A blogger at IvyGate summarized the situation best, exclaiming “The story has so many twisting elements, it reads like a daytime soap: Gay lovers’ spat! Race-related unrest! Forgery, identity theft, mental instability!
My Sexy Celebrity Boyfriend
April 3, 2008 - 12:00amWith the disappointing population of gays (who are actually out) at Cornell, and the dwindling likelihood of me becoming a wealthy Yale Law grad, I have decided to indulge in the prospects of snatching up a guy who is sufficiently famous or extremely wealthy and powerful.
I started to entertain this thought after I took a quiz on the-n.com to find out who my “Presidential Hottie Soulmate” is. Appropriately, this was my answer:
I <3 John McCain
February 29, 2008 - 1:00amI want a president who is bold, principled and easy on the eyes. When you consider the options, one person visibly stands out. The only candidate who offers all of these things and more is the straight talkin’ maverick from Arizona, John Sidney McCain III.
Dakota Fanning: No One's Valentine
February 14, 2008 - 1:00amI might not have a date for Valentine’s Day this year, but I take solace in knowing that there’s going to be at least one other person in the same boat as me: Dakota Fanning. She may have captivated some people in movies like I am Sam and War of the Worlds, but I think that Dakota Fanning is an ugly hack who is, amongst other obvious things, very undateable. While there are millions of reasons why nobody would ask this little jack-o-lantern on a date, I will enlighten you with the major ones.
The Bitch is Back
January 31, 2008 - 1:00amEverybody’s favorite “Queen Bitch in Charge” is Hillary Clinton. Although she is constantly vilified by her enemies and the media, most of us recognize that this is only because people are intimidated by her personal wit, political aptitude and botoxed good looks. You may have accidentally jumped on the buoyant bandwagon of hackneyed catchphrases that her opponent’s campaign has manufactured, but I hope that after reading this you might consider a more reputable and sincerely passionate candidate who can balance being inspiring and fabulous.