Recent Contributions from Behzad Varamini

Living Through The Son, Saying Goodbye to The Sun

Behzad Varamini — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 00:01:00 -0500

In the name of Jesus, televangelists make bold promises and ask for money, people walk onto a stage where a preacher in a white robe touches heads and heals blindness and, don’t even get me started on Jehovah’s Witnesses. The only thing that might be weirder and more offensive than the aforementioned knock-offs of Christianity is actually the real thing — real Biblical Christianity, which claims that there is only one way to live, one way and truth to freedom and salvation — Jesus Christ.

Dating: An Old Man’s Perspective

Behzad Varamini — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 00:01:00 -0500

Carolyn Marie Tucker was probably the most popular girl in my middle school. And she majorly dug me (who wouldn’t?!). She dug my silk shirts, my boyish charm and had even nicknamed me “the Iranian Sensation.” It was clear to anyone with a lunchbox that all throughout sixth grade, there was something going on between the two of us, and I wanted to make it official.

She was the first girl I ever really asked out. I remember calling her from my parents’ bedroom at 10 a.m. one Saturday morning. I asked her if she wanted to “go with me,” which was the term used back in my day for going steady. She said she would think about it.

Two days later in band class, her best friend, Amy, handed me a note.

Blessed are the Cheesemakers

Behzad Varamini — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 00:00:00 -0400

Growing up in Wisconsin, cheese is not a choice, it’s a lifestyle. Dairy is not a decision, it’s a religion. Milk is not a maybe, it’s mandatory.

California, I love you guys. You have beaches, Hollywood, great food and The Price is Right. But please, once and for all, fully accept that Wisconsin is America’s Dairyland. We have nothing else. Or, maybe take America’s Dairyland, but give us The Price is Right. And Arnold.

Wisconsin is America’s Dairyland. Though there may be more cows in California, one has to be really smart and scientific and realize that Wisconsin has a much higher cow:person ratio. That’s how I got into Cornell — less because of Wisconsin’s cow:person ratio, more because I am really smart and scientific.

Evil Has No Mirror

Behzad Varamini — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 00:00:00 -0400

Manuel Noriega’s name, general and military dictator of Panama from 1983 to 1989, is rarely thrown around with the likes of Saddam or Ahmadinejad. Mr. Noriega’s capture and persecution, a prisoner of war during the United States’ invasion of Panama, is rarely spoken of with the same weight of the Iraq War or the impending time-bomb that is the Islamic Republic of Iran.

But perhaps Mr. Noriega’s forgotten name and story aren’t that different from Saddam and Iraq, from Ahmadinejad and Iran. In the years leading up to the United States invasion of Panama in 1989, Noriega had been a CIA operative for Bush Senior; unfortunately, he stopped following Washington’s orders. The United States decided it was time for him to go.

International-L

Behzad Varamini — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 00:00:00 -0400

Do you miss eating fish? Do you dig house music? Are you looking for a copy of the Swedish Chef theme song from The Muppet Show?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, maybe International-L is for you.

The International Students and Scholars Office at Cornell is in charge of managing a Listerv primarily for international students, International-L@cornell.edu. According to ISSO, the Listserv currently has about 3,200 members and averages about 25 e-mails per day (about 50 in high season) or more than 9,000 e-mails per year (the solution to a lonely inbox).

Any Given Sunday

Behzad Varamini — Tue, 18 Sep 2007 00:00:00 -0400

Despite the fact that I had never sold a lottery ticket to anyone in my life, the fellow sitting two rows up from me repeatedly insisted that I sell him one. His requests were made known to our entire section and were particularly pronounced after most Packers touchdowns.

I was in Giants Stadium this weekend in East Rutherford, N.J., watching my beloved hometown Packers take on the New York Giants. Wearing the token cheesehead and green and gold of the Packers certainly brought some friendly jeers from many Giants fans sitting around us in the stadium. However, there were a few other fans my friends and I seemed to personally offend in a special way, cheese and team colors aside.

Rediscovering My 8-Bit Roots

Behzad Varamini — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 00:00:00 -0400

007-373-5963.

Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, b, a, start.

Start, up, down, left, right, a, b, start.

If you were able to identify any of the following codes above, you probably grew up in my generation and were a serious Nintendo player.

The first code will take you straight to the title fight with Mike Tyson in the classic Mike Tyson’s PunchOut!! The second will give you 30 lives in the epic run-and-gun battle game Contra. And the third will restore your life to full in the awesome arcade classic Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. All for original Nintendo, release dates 1987, 1988 and 1989, respectively.

Wow. That’s when most students in Cornell Class of 2009-2011 were born.

I feel old.

The Text Heard Round the World...OMG!

Behzad Varamini — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 00:00:00 -0400

NBC, MySpace and V.T.

Behzad Varamini — Wed, 25 Apr 2007 01:09:14 -0400

Deckhead:

Gain Through Loss

Body:

Hours after students cowered behind desks and played dead in hopes that Virginia Tech killer Cho Seung-Hui would spare their lives, minutes after the body count was made public and started to climb, it took only seconds for the gluttonous demons in dark corners of men’s souls to perk up and devise a plan on how to best capitalize on a tragic story that even satisfied the devil himself.

Innocent as Apple Pie

Behzad Varamini — Wed, 11 Apr 2007 01:12:35 -0400

Deckhead:

Gain Through Loss

Body:

Strangers, pimples and hormones. Coming home from her first day of middle school in a new town, my kid sister was, as she would say, a little freaked out. One would expect the comforts of home to put most tensions at ease. However, we had just moved into a new house in a new town and with most of our belongings still in boxes, our house didn’t yet feel like home. Beat, my little sister plopped herself down on the couch, stabbed through a Juicy Juice and tried to relax to some Cosby Show.

Sharing the Spoils

Behzad Varamini — Wed, 28 Mar 2007 02:00:00 -0400

Deckhead:

Gain Through Loss

Body:

In the open, grassy plains of East Africa, a pack of jackals hit the jackpot.

A massive elephant lies motionless on its side, the hot noon sun beating down on its large folds of thick leathery skin. Its muscular trunk lay curled up on the plain, and, covered in sun-baked mud, a fragment of its large ivory tusk is revealed.

Thou Shalt Not Cornell

Behzad Varamini — Wed, 07 Mar 2007 23:36:55 -0500

Deckhead:

Gain Through Loss

Body:

What was I going to give up for Lent this year? As it turns out, I don’t watch a lot of TV, I can’t stand those trashy celebrity magazines and I’m not even that big into chocolate.

In making my decision this year, I spent a lot of time focusing on what activities and habits seemed to really suck the life out of me, taking up my time and energy and leaving me depleted. What in my life could I omit so that I would have more time to reflect on my blessings and my purpose?

Barn in Grave Condition

Behzad Varamini — Wed, 21 Feb 2007 00:00:00 -0500

Deckhead:

Gain Through Loss

Body:

One of the hardest facts of life we are forced to face as we grow up is death. Whether expected or not, death can close its icy grip on a loved one at any time, truly teaching us the value and preciousness of life. Even though we’ve all had to face death in some capacity, whether it was our pet fish flushed down the toilet against our will (“Dad, he’s really just taking a nap!”) or something else, it certainly never gets any easier to cope with the loss of a loved one.

Jabberwocky & Marriage-Talkie

Behzad Varamini — Wed, 07 Feb 2007 00:51:29 -0500

Deckhead:

Gain Through Loss

Body:

Having freshly and finally married off the last and youngest of her own children, my cool and calculating grandmother wasted no time crawling down our family tree to the next oldest Varamini still in singledom: me.

Sex is Complicated

Behzad Varamini — Wed, 24 Jan 2007 11:56:49 -0500

Deckhead:

Gain Through Loss

Body:

Late last year, a top Indian female athlete was stripped of her silver medal at an Indian track and field championship in Doha. Santhi Soundararajan, regarded as a premier Indian track and field athlete, was forced to give up her second place finish after she failed a gender test.

If All you Have is a Hammer …

Behzad Varamini — Wed, 29 Nov 2006 01:00:00 -0500

Deckhead:

Gain Through Loss

Body:

History shows that the American government’s chief policy in dealing with worldwide violence seems to be fighting it with more violence. I don’t think I need to provide any examples. Rarely are nonviolent means an important part of our peacemaking process. Remember the “Peacekeeper Missile” of the late 1980s? As the name implies, the missile was designed for peacekeeping purposes. “Peacekeeper Missile,” other than being right up there with “rap music” as one of the biggest oxymorons of all time, was an attempt to make a violent war tool seem more humane.

Fed-Ex Fails to Deliver for GOP

Behzad Varamini — Wed, 15 Nov 2006 00:00:00 -0500

Deckhead:

Gain Through Loss

Body:

Half-interested in election results last Tuesday, I went to cnn.com and was surprised at what I saw. More striking to me than the Democrats victory was the second most prominent story on the front page: Britney Spears Divorcing.

Wolf in Dove’s Clothing

Behzad Varamini — Wed, 01 Nov 2006 01:00:00 -0500

Deckhead:

Gain Through Loss

Body:

Dove, a soap and personal care brand owned by Unilever, manufactures dozens of anti-perspirants, body washes, beauty bars, lotions/moisturizers and facial care products. In 2006, Dove launched “campaign for real beauty,” an integral part of which is called the Dove “self-esteem fund.” In one of the most famous ads produced by the campaign (which can be found at www.campaignforrealbeauty.com), a time-lapse film shows a modestly attractive young woman as she becomes transformed by hairdressers, makeup artists and Photoshop wizards into a billboard model. The femme fetale finally displayed on the billboard bears little resemblance to the original model, and that is exactly the message’s point. The spot concludes with, “No wonder our perception of beauty is distorted.”

Dubyaball

Behzad Varamini — Tue, 17 Oct 2006 21:40:28 -0400

Deckhead:

Gain Through Loss

Body:

Growing up, I loved Calvin and Hobbes, a popular nationwide comic strip authored by Bill Watterson. Calvin and Hobbes followed the humorous antics of Calvin, a creative and imaginative six-year old boy, and Hobbes, his sprightly stuffed tiger.

Taming of the Dude

Behzad Varamini — Tue, 03 Oct 2006 19:46:32 -0400

Deckhead:

Gain Through Loss

Body:

Tomorrow, I turn twenty-five years old. I am still quite young by most standards. I probably have a long way to go before I can share my life story with anyone so that they might walk away from it with some insight (or at least get a good nap). However, I do feel inclined to write a bit about some truths my short life has revealed.

Gumshoe for Hire

Behzad Varamini — Wed, 20 Sep 2006 01:00:00 -0400

Deckhead:

Gain Through Loss

Body:

The once bright and promising morning evolved into a gray, sluggish, uninspiring afternoon. A slow afternoon. Very slow. A creeping, tranquilized sloth slow. The day had a post-Thanksgiving dinner Dick Cheney mobility about it. Misty specs of rain whispered against my lone glass window, congregating slowly into larger globules of water. They clung to the glass for dear life until too many gathered. Then, they plummeted violently to the bottom of the windowsill like a Comet. Perhaps Halley’s Comet.

Marriage in McHeaven

Behzad Varamini — Wed, 06 Sep 2006 01:00:00 -0400

Deckhead:

Gain Through Loss

Body:

This past August, McDonald’s teamed up with GM to give away 42 million toy Hummers, in eight models and colors, inside every Happy Meal. The “Hummer of a Summer” promotion included television and radio ads which featured a happy family riding in a Hummer on their way to a McDonald’s.

Finally, The Sun

Behzad Varamini — Tue, 22 Aug 2006 20:25:24 -0400

Deckhead:

Gain Through Loss

Body:

This whole thing could just turn out to be one giant mistake.

Ever since I matriculated at Cornell, or Cornell matriculated me or, well, someone got matriculated and they liked it a little too much … ever since then, I’ve had my eyes on having a column in The Cornell Daily Sun. Unfortunately, I had no idea what it would take to convince The Sun of my worthiness.