Recent Contributions from Mark Coombs

Adiós, Amigos

Mark Coombs — Fri, 02 May 2008 00:00:00 -0400

I owe a lot to Dr. James McHenry.

No, he’s not my doctor. He’s not my professor, either. He’s not even my preacher.

He’s, well, a Marylander.

And he’s cool enough to have gotten an invite to the coolest party in town.

He even took notes — I know, because I’ve read them.

(Parts, anyway.)

You see, Dear Reader, Dr. James McHenry wasn’t just any Marylander; he was one of five to have represented the Old Line State at the Constitutional Convention in 1787.

This, obviously, was an experience that the good doctor knew he would never forget — but one, too, that he wanted the whole world to remember.

The Prodigal Texan: One Red-Stater's journey from Republican to Democrat and back again

Mark Coombs — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 00:00:00 -0400

Three years ago — about a month before Election Day 2005 — I received an e-mail that I’ve kept stored away ever since.

It was a response to a letter to the editor I had written that same month upbraiding the administration for its laughable reaction — rather, lack thereof — to the Redbud Woods protesters who had stormed Day Hall and occupied then-President Lehman’s office the semester prior, only to then argue that the idea of being held accountable for their actions was so overrated.

“It’s often an Alice in Wonderland world here in Ithaca,” the e-mail read. “It’s obvious that I need to move to Texas, but I will put that off, I hope, for at least 4 more years.”

Return Fire: Coombs on his S.A. Resolution for Concealed Carry on Campus

Mark Coombs — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 00:00:00 -0500

On the morning of Wednesday, Feb. 27, I sent Ryan Lavin ’09 an e-mail.

Ryan is the Executive Vice President of the Student Assembly, and, as such, it is his job to write up the assembly’s weekly agenda and send it out before the Thursday meeting. The smiling Southerner at the top of this page is an S.A. representative who wanted something on last week’s agenda — hence the e-mail.

Simple enough, right?

Alas, how wrong you are, Dear Reader, for how complicated this particular Wednesday would soon become! (Dun dun dun!)

Exactly 119 minutes after I sent Ryan my e-mail, yours truly got an e-mail back from another member of the S.A.

“You’ve established a good name for yourself over time,” the e-mail read — “and I'm afraid you’re about to throw it all away…”

I’m a Huckabeliever

Mark Coombs — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 00:00:00 -0500

Whoa, whoa, whoa — wait a minute. We’ve been back for two weeks and I haven’t once dropped by the Opinion section to give you even the tiniest tip of the Stetson yet?

Well.

Aren’t I the rude one.

Let me start February off right, then, by forgoing a tip and taking my hat off to you entirely.

I have, after all, been slanting the same sombrero in your direction for almost two years; that you want to keep me around for long enough to make that a whole two years surely deserves a little more than the standard salutation.

Now.

I don’t need to tell you that a lot has changed since you saw me last.

A Red and Blue Holiday

Mark Coombs — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 00:00:07 -0500

Happy Winter Break, Big Red!

’Tis the season — to be jolly, yes, but also to run for president.

(How’s that for a curveball?)

You see, Dear Reader, while most of America gets settled in around an open fire these next few weeks, chestnuts a-roastin’, Rudy, Hillary, Barack and Co. will instead be busy pursuing that grand quadrennial tradition of trying to push each other on that fire as both the Iowa caucuses and the New Hampshire primaries fast approach.

But wait! What’s that you say? You, too, think you have what it takes to lead this nation?

Then keep reading.

My Fellow Cornellians

Mark Coombs — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 00:00:00 -0500

“The kids on the S.A. are hardworking and mean well, but the fact is that most Cornellians just don’t pay attention. When they do, they see the S.A. as a cage match’s worth of backbiting, infighting, self-aggrandizing Tracy Flicks.”

So wrote my friend and colleague Dave Wittenberg ’09 in his column “The End of the Student Assembly” (Oct. 24, 2007), anyway.

Why do I bring it up? Because this hardworking, well-meaning kid thinks that it’s high time he told his side of the story — and, yes, Dear Reader, you heard me right.

When yours truly is not visiting with you here in the realm of the Fourth Estate, I can most often be found doing the same with those representatives on — and those of y’all represented by — Cornell’s very own version of the Estates-General.

Leavin’ on a Jet (Aero) Plane

Mark Coombs — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 00:00:00 -0400

The term, Dear Reader, is jet-setter, a derivative of jet set.

The person it describes? Why, your humble columnist, of course.

Take it away, Wikipedia: “ ‘Jet set’ is a journalistic term” — [et cetera, et cetera] — “used to describe an international social group of wealthy people, organizing and participating in social activities all around the world that are unreachable to ordinary people.”

Do go on.

“The term, which replaced ‘café society’, came from the lifestyle of traveling from one stylish or exotic place to another via jet airplanes.”

Whoa! “Came from the lifestyle,” Wiki? Tsk, tsk, tsk. Some of us are still living it, old sport — that is, unless taking off to the U.K. for Fall Break doesn’t count for anything anymore.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

My Single Request

Mark Coombs — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 00:00:00 -0400

Those of you who read my column last year will undoubtedly recall my partner in crime on these pages, Mr. Ari Rabkin ’06.

Ari and I published together every Thursday, and our columns were, consequently, never more than a crossword puzzle away from each other.

Both regular patrons of Risley Dining, the two of us would often run into one another at different times throughout the week in this shared domain with copies of a given day’s Sun and our respective demitasses in hand.

Conversation inevitably ensued.

I will never forget what Ari told yours truly during one conversation in particular.

Rock the Barack

Mark Coombs — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 00:00:00 -0400

Here it is, the biggest piece of news you’ll see all day: there are a lot of unpopular people in politics.

(See. Told you it was big.)

And that, Dear Reader, is not all.

Ahem.

Here it is, the biggest piece of news you’ll see after seeing the biggest piece of news you’ll see all day: Barack Obama is not one of those people.

(Yep. I am on fire.)

Indeed, the junior senator from the Land of Lincoln is nothing short of a rock star — something he’s been called by more than just yours truly.

Seems like I’m just the only one who doesn’t quite get it.

Shalom, Israel. Howdy, Cornell

Mark Coombs — Wed, 22 Aug 2007 00:00:00 -0400

Shalom, Cornell. Howdy, Israel

Mark Coombs — Thu, 03 May 2007 01:00:00 -0400

Body:

“To me,” the American-born author Henry James once wrote, “those have always been the two most beautiful words in the English language.”

What two words, you ask? “Summer afternoon,” of course.

Turning Wine Into Water

Mark Coombs — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 02:00:00 -0400

Deckhead:

If You Can Keep It

Body:

My name is Mark, and I’m a teetotaler.

Yep. Dictionary.com’s word of the day on April 21, 2001, a teetotaler — for those of you not up on your temperance jargon — is “a person who abstains totally from intoxicating drink.”

The Green Revelation

Mark Coombs — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 00:00:00 -0400

Deckhead:

If You Can Keep It

Body:

There are some things, Focus on the Family founder James Dobson says, that are OK for Evangelicals to talk about; there are also some things, he continues, his brow aslant and his finger a-waggin’, that are not OK for Evangelicals to talk about.

From Trunks to Tails

Mark Coombs — Thu, 29 Mar 2007 02:32:03 -0400

Deckhead:

If You Can Keep It

Body:

My room is overrun with donkeys.

(And, no, Dear Reader, don’t worry: that line, to be sure, is not just a product of your imagination, the source of which is doubtlessly still recovering from a Spring Break spent in places where umbrellas are available only in toothpick form.)

For Terri

Mark Coombs — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 00:26:49 -0500

Deckhead:

If You Can Keep It

Body:

I don’t have a living will — and, if you’re like most college students, I bet that you don’t, either.

There should be no better inspiration for each and every one of us to get one, however, than the woman at the heart of a story that took America on a political and emotional rollercoaster ride about this time two years ago.

Every Which Way But Right

Mark Coombs — Thu, 01 Mar 2007 00:28:24 -0500

Deckhead:

If You Can Keep It

Body:

In the first piece I ever wrote for The Sun, I made one thing (OK, maybe two things) very clear: “This column … does not back down from giving both liberals and conservatives hell when they deserve it and praise when they’ve earned it. That’s called a Texan’s prerogative, as is entreating that no one shy away from aiming either or both right back at me at any time and on any subject.”

Fairness Isn’t Free

Mark Coombs — Thu, 01 Feb 2007 01:29:00 -0500

Body:

'Twas about a year ago that I found, buried within my inbox, an e-mail inviting me to meet my congressman — so to speak.

His name? Maurice D. Hinchey. His game? Representing the 22nd Congressional District of the State of New York — including, for about nine months each year, every Cornell student who calls it home.

His (Modest) Excellency

Mark Coombs — Wed, 24 Jan 2007 22:32:58 -0500

Deckhead:

If You Can Keep It

Body:

In 1932 — the year in which our first president, George Washington, would have celebrated his two-hundredth birthday — Harvard historians were busy trying to figure out exactly how to sum up the man, his life and his career.

Reflections on the War in Iraq

Mark Coombs — Thu, 18 Jan 2007 01:00:00 -0500

Deckhead:

If You Can Keep It

Body:

In a little over two months, the United States will have been at war in Iraq for four years.

I cannot remember exactly how I felt on that night in 2003 when President Bush took to the airwaves to tell the American people that our men and women in uniform were headed into the country whose name is, for many, now synonymous with Vietnam.

¡Feliz Navidad!

Mark Coombs — Thu, 30 Nov 2006 01:00:00 -0500

Deckhead:

If You Can Keep It

Body:

The Three Wise Men of the Christmas story and I have at least one thing in common: the star is an object near and dear to all our hearts.

For them, one star in particular was of paramount importance — the Star of Bethlehem, the much-popularized Christmas Star that, according to the Bible, revealed the birth of Jesus to the world and led the celebrated Tres Reyes Magos to the place where they could find the newborn King and shower Him with gifts.

Braying Red

Mark Coombs — Thu, 16 Nov 2006 00:00:00 -0500

Body:

Ready for the understatement of the year?

Last Tuesday night was a good Tuesday night. The American people wanted change, and they got it.

Even so, your humble columnist had one little misgiving — I wasn’t too sure what to think about the belle of the ball.

Goodbye, George

Mark Coombs — Thu, 02 Nov 2006 01:00:00 -0500

Deckhead:

If You Can Keep It

Body:

The first thing that I ever wrote for this paper was not a column. It was a letter. Two, to be precise, at different points during my freshman year.

A shock I received on Tuesday prompted me to relive the events that inspired the latter.

Hear Ye, Hear Ye

Mark Coombs — Thu, 26 Oct 2006 01:00:00 -0400

Deckhead:

If You Can Keep It

Body:

To His Excellency, the Trewe and Goode President Adam Gay of the Cornell Democrats, and Her Majesty, the Right and Most Honourable Chairwoman Megan Sweeney of the College Republicans:

We are now less than two weeks away from the midterm elections, and your mutual friend in the form of this columnist has a little challenge for the both of you.

One War Too Many

Mark Coombs — Wed, 18 Oct 2006 22:22:50 -0400

Deckhead:

If You Can Keep It

Body:

You hear it all the time. In addition to the war in Iraq, the war in Afghanistan and the greater war on terror, our country is fighting another war a little closer to home: the — cue the Ed Wood horror movie music, the flashing lights, the kitchen-made sound effects — CUUULTURE WAAAR!

Searching for Harry Truman

Mark Coombs — Wed, 11 Oct 2006 22:29:13 -0400

Deckhead:

If You Can Keep It

Body:

Remember the Clinton years? For those of us who were somewhere around the age of ten at the end of the Democrat’s first term and thus understandably more interested at the time in pogs and Playstation, what little news we heard in the course of events painted a bleak picture: scandal, scandal, scandal, something about Bosnia, scandal, scandal, impeachment.

A (Premature) Christmas Carol

Mark Coombs — Wed, 04 Oct 2006 22:33:00 -0400

Deckhead:

If You Can Keep It

Body:

Some people wait their whole lives for the chance to become a superstar. I only had to wait ’til I was three-years-old.

It was December of 1989. Milli Vanilli was the hot new thing, Gorby was rockin’ the glasnost and somewhere, at a theater near you, a movie poster was promising that — in just another couple months — four certain teenage mutant ninja somethings would be “lean, green, and on the screen” in their first feature film.

Don't Worry, Be Responsible

Mark Coombs — Thu, 28 Sep 2006 01:00:00 -0400

Deckhead:

If You Can Keep It

Body:

Far across the Pacific in the famously-titled Land of the Rising Sun, there is a ritual which the Japanese call seppuku, or hara-kiri — an act the American pronunciation of which leads to its personification as a certain Mr. Harry Carry. To call on Mr. Carry is, of course, to commit suicide by disembowelment. Dr. Stephen Turnbull of the University of Leeds, a veritable expert on Japanese history, has described the arduous undertaking as “a deed of bravery that was admirable in a samurai who knew he was defeated, disgraced, or mortally wounded.”

United We Fall

Mark Coombs — Thu, 21 Sep 2006 01:00:00 -0400

Deckhead:

If You Can Keep It

Body:

Throughout history, much has been made of unity. And I do mean throughout history: even Aesop, sometime around the year when keeping up with the Joneses meant buying something with a wheel, cried out to the world in as loud a voice as he could muster, “In union there is strength!” He would, of course, have merely preferred to say the same at a normal volume, but annoying neighbors existed even back then — in Aesop’s case, such a neighbor took the form of a juvenile delinquent known to cry “wolf!” at unfortunate hours of the night in order to get material to write about on MySpace.

You’re a Good Man, Charlie Stenholm

Mark Coombs — Thu, 14 Sep 2006 01:00:00 -0400

Deckhead:

If You Can Keep It

Body:

My birthday celebration came early this year; at the very least, I can say that I got one of my best presents early — which, indeed, elicited a response that likely left any onlookers and small children in the area more than slightly traumatized.

A Grand Old Endorsement

Mark Coombs — Thu, 07 Sep 2006 01:00:00 -0400

Deckhead:

If You Can Keep It

Body:

Next Tuesday is an important day. And not just because it will have been exactly one week since my editor celebrated his twenty-second birthday and sent the stocks of any and all companies that have anything to do with the production or sales of tequila so through the roof that they had to close the market for fear that a vengeful Captain Morgan would make an attempt on the life of his increasingly more successful rival, Jose Cuervo.

A Faith-Based "Recount"

Mark Coombs — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 01:00:00 -0400

Deckhead:

If You Can Keep It

Body:

Lucy, I’m home! And I’ve got a little something to tell you.

You might want to sit down.

Your kindergarten teacher, you see, was far from straight with you. Pluto — rather, what your teacher likely told you years ago was a lovably eccentric, ever-persevering “Little Engine That Could”-type smiley face of a world that lay far on the edge of space — is, sadly, not a planet at all.

The Bunk Stops Here

Mark Coombs — Wed, 23 Aug 2006 22:41:31 -0400

Deckhead:

If You Can Keep It

Body:

Every language has its fighting words. I, for all intents and purposes, had two Spanish classes every day in high school: one with Mrs. McRight during fifth period, the other with my friends Orlando and Victor — whose families had come to Texas from Mexico and Honduras, respectively — in the cafeteria during lunch break. What I learned in the first helped me in situations where I needed to find the library or had to order food at a Mexican restaurant. What I learned in the second led to many a flintlock duel to the death with the proprietors of just such restaurants, Orlando and Victor howling approvingly from their ringside seats.