September 28, 2000


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Sex. Fuck. Fornication. What place does such a topic have in an Arts and Entertainment magazine? I’ll be blunt with you: Sex is a much more common form of entertainment than many of the topics we cover in this magazine.

How many times per semester do you visit an art museum? How many books do you read for your own leisure? How many theater productions do you attend? While supporting these forms of arts and entertainment will make you a more well-rounded individual, and probably more satisfied with your sense of self-worth in the long run, there is a nice ring to the instant gratification that results from sexual activities. I am sure that you partake in, or at the very least think about sexual activities more than you do any of the forms of entertainment listed above. It is obvious that many like to engage in them, it is probable that many people like to talk about them, and, I am hoping, there is a large population of people on this campus who likes to read about them.

I am not going to relay my own knowledge on the subject matter, as I am not an authority on sex. But rather, I have selected a group of four diverse and interesting individuals who will candidly share their many experiences and opinions throughout this semester. They vary in academic class, gender, sexual orientation, and most of all, their sexual outlooks. This week, I have asked all four of them to invent pseudonyms and introduce themselves briefly. Here are their responses:

Absinthe. Hello readers, I’m Absinthe, a nineteen-year-old male. I like to have sex with women. But not boring sex. I’ll try almost anything once. This attitude has gotten me into some freaky shit, some of which I’ll soon be sharing with you.

One time, I was hanging out with “Superfreak” Rick James and he was like, “Damn, you a freaky mofukka.” I said thanks, grinned sheepishly, and passed on a hit of freebase. If you don’t know who Rick James is, go download “Superfreak” off Napster right now. When you do, if you think to yourself, “Hey, he took this beat from MC Hammer,” ask your roommate or somebody to kick you in your ignorant, unfunky ass.

So, uh, since there’s no topic this week, I’m going to end with a slightly misogynistic quote from Pablo Picasso. “There is nothing so much like a poodle as another poodle. The same goes for women.”

Samantha. Samantha from HBO’s Sex in the City once said, “The only place you can control a man is in bed. If we perpetually gave men blow jobs, we could run the world.”

For the next while, the reader will know me as Samantha. We share the same mentality that sex is awesome; there’s nothing wrong in getting it whenever and wherever — the only thing is that it can’t be whoever.

The hot, hard-to-get man is always the most sought after in my book, and every conquest is worth remembering. Unless, of course, it’s been a really bad week and I just have to get busy. The best release from stress and pressure is a good lay. Commitment isn’t impossible for me, but the man better know what he’s doing for me to tuck my black book under the mattress.

As for my belief system, after my first year at Cornell, those beliefs left me along with my virginity.

G. Killian. I’m a purist when it comes to relationships. I love having a girlfriend, as I have had for the past year or so. I’m a little old-fashioned when it comes to love as well. Criticize me, but possessing straight-up charm that could probably sweet-talk a chaste nun upstairs coupled with the occasional dozen roses and a compliment have gotten me awfully far in the ways of sex. Not far in the sense that I’ve been with a lot of of women, but far in the sense that, well lets just say I discovered I’ve been corrupted in the past year since losing my virginity … and I’m not quite a purist in the sack. Or out of it, for that matter.

Sex in an elevator on this very campus and another quickie in a luxury suite at a pro sporting event are proof of that point. Other than that, though, some may consider me boring. But, rest assured that while I may be in the minority, I live a sexual life far from the norm.

Catwoman. Here’s a little rundown on myself, kind of an Intro Me, so you all know where I’m coming from. We’ll start with the basics: I like chocolate, the outdoors, and sex. (These things can be related in many fascinating ways.) I dislike people who irritate me, hummus, and the color orange. Also, I am a lesbian. (To my knowledge, these things are in no way related.)

In my spare time, I enjoy anonymously sharing my opinions about sex with several thousand strangers, and probably also several dozen people who are not strangers. Good thing, then, that I have come up with a secret name: you will all know me as Catwoman.

Archived article by Sara Katz