February 8, 2001

My Bloody Valentine

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The idea of a movie where a nerd seeks revenge against those who rejected him does not seem like it would make such a terrible movie. This should be especially true around Valentine’s Day. Valentine, however, is not the best application of the idea.

In the movie, a maladjusted boy, Jeremy, lusts after the popular girls with minimal success. After an embarassing misadventure at a junior high school dance that has him labeled as a pervert, he is sent off to reform school.

Around Valentine’s Day thirteen years later, once his anger and resentment have become unbearable, he commences his killing spree. His targeted victims have matured into young and beautiful San Francisco socialites and have minimal recollection of his existence until they piece together the clues he has conveniently given them regarding his identity.

The plot is fairly standard for a murder mystery. It manages to work in the heterosexual love story, and incorporates a few red herrings in the form of peripheral characters, to keep the audience busy. But it is not innovative in doing so.

Some of the characters are entertaining, though poorly portrayed and trivial. Paige (Denise Richards), a seductress with a cruel streak, and Detective Vaughn (Fulvio Cecere), a bald, horny cop following the situation, are of special interest.

The characters display little emotion throughout the film as well, even at times of intense crisis. Jamie Blanks’ directing is most likely at fault, as his previous movie, Urban Legends, has several of the same flaws.

The contrived classical music score and sound effects, probably copied directly from some random 1980’s horror flick, detract from the movie as well. They make it seem low-budget and prevent the viewer from taking the plot even remotely seriously.

Aside from the extremely attractive cast and a few comedic indictments of the characters’ social class, there is very little redeeming about this movie (except for its short 95 minute running time).

It certainly is not a good date film (despite its title), nor will it serve as a substitute companion for the lonely (hint: it is not as graphic as Wild Things, for you Denise Richards fans).

Other than lack of originality, the main flaw with the script is that it overlooks too many details. The characters not only neglect to report important information to the authorities, but also fail to give any significant thought to what is unfolding. They are too preoccupied in their own lives for the severity of the situation.

Archived article by Louis Benowitz