March 15, 2001

The Daze Rant

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This will be my first sex article as a daze staff writer. And since I’ve had enough of the show Undressed on MTV, I will save you all the trouble of wondering what this article will focus on and just discuss the crap that is MTV primetime. Every night at 11 p.m., and then again at 2 a.m., the lounge on my dorm floor is packed with residents wanting to watch the MTV soap opera that focuses on fresh-out-of-college roommates, and the dormitory college freshmen-through-seniors that we so passionately can relate to. Yeah right.

A fellow student in my dorm strolls into the floor lounge every single night to watch episodes he has seen at least a dozen times. Possibly because he has no life, but even more likely because the show is addictive. Even for someone who is passionately against premarital sex, I find him constantly laughing like a choked donkey every time a new scene closes. Let’s discuss one of these simple scenes.

Now, I have to admit that I have seen a couple of daytime network soap operas — usually because nothing else seems to be on when you have the flu, no car, and you’re a sophomore in high school. Then, there are of course those select few times when I find the hot girls sitting in the lounge, waiting for male counterparts to criticize the crap they are watching.

Daytime soaps will usually end each scene with a little line or cliffhanger, that leads into the next skit about 10 or 15 minutes later. But, on Undressed I’d be surprised if a skit lasts more than 60 seconds before we find out some college guy screwed both his female teacher and his best friend’s boyfriend. Of course, my issue with this show is not the disgraceful acting nor the constant sex. No, it is the fact that every single girl is gorgeous, and not one guy weighs more than 175 pounds. All the females on the show are horny to the point that anything that walks in the room is fair game and friendships are unimportant. Basically, sex is god’s gift to college and the world.

I’m not arguing with the message here, but I am saying that the fact that the girls daily throw themselves at every guy on the show is unrealistic, and just unfair to the dorm-dwelling, male image. And this audience is a prime Undressed target at 2 a.m. on a weekday.

In a thirty minute show, every cast member has had sex at least once. Some people I know seem to think that if you have oral sex, you might as well have intercourse. They watch this show, believe me, and the message is clear: damn right. But they take it a little further: Hey, if you kiss, why not bang? Sounds like fun, but how would we get any work done?

Kids like the ones on Undressed definitely do not go to Cornell. At least one character on the show is constantly spending his time writing for his college newspaper … even though the winner of his contests gets to — you guessed it — partake in a little one-on-one action. I’m guessing some of those reading this article will want to watch the show. In fact, I have caught many ultra-liberal hypocrites cracking up at the idea that they too could get laid, if only they watched Undressed. Wait, they do.

Archived article by Josh Plotnik