In a move that surprised students and faculty alike, Athletic Director Andy Noel announced that beer will now be served at men’s hockey games.
At the behest of hockey head coach Mike Schafer ’86, who complained that the Lynah crowds were “not vocal enough,” Noel issued a statement that “alcoholic beverages will be readily available to those of age,” at Cornell’s famed rink.
The concession stands, located at the northwestern and southeastern ends as well as outside the doors connecting the Field House to Lynah will have a selection of domestic brews on tap.
The athletic department was unable to confirm which beers will be served at hockey games, as companies are currently involved in a bidding war over who will be represented.
“This is a whole new market that we’ve been trying to enter ever since Lynah Rink was recognized as one of the loudest forums in the country,” said Anheuiser Busch president August Busch VIII. “We are really excited at this prospect.”
But alcohol will only be served to fans who are over 21 and have two forms of identification.
“We don’t want to be breaking the law,” sports marketing manager Pete Fitzpatrick asserted.
The reaction from the Lynah Faithful has been nothing but positive.
“This means that we don’t have to hide our beer when we go to hockey games,” one anonymous fan cheered. He added “This is f***ing awesome!”
This response was exactly what the department wanted.
“Ever since the absolution of the hockey ticket lottery, and the failure of the ticket line, we’ve been trying to bring back the intimidating aura of Lynah Rink,” Noel said.
To elicit the most raucous shenanigans from the crowd, each glass of beer will be accompanied by noisemakers, inspired by a recent fan from Princeton.
“I’m psyched,” junior goalie Matt Underhill said. “Other teams come to Cornell expecting crazy a** sh** from our fans. Now its going to be drunken crazy a** sh**. That’s a powerful combination.”
All that Schafer said was, “Maybe fans will come earlier to the games, now.”
Editor’s Note: It’s April Fools! Tricked ya!
Archived article by Sun Staff