April 5, 2001

Viewer Discretion Advised

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This week, the best DVD to hit the shelves is Defending Your Life. This is the 1991 romantic comedy directed and starring Albert Brooks. The movie’s plot is a simple reminder to us all that we should take every moment in stride, overcome the petty things that keep us down and do something everyday that scares us. Also, there is a scene in a heavenly sushi bar that is by far, the funniest heavenly sushi bar scene in any movie to date. The movie is featured in Widescreen anamorphic resolution and includes theatrical trailers, and numerous subtitles.

But what do you plan to do before you rent the romantic comedy Defending Your Life? You have a lot of choices with what you can do with your life before sitting yourself in front of a television, pressing play and putting your brain on autopilot. Why not shower?

This week, there are a few new shampoos out.

The first shampoo worthy of mention is Suave’s Lavender, Passion Flower and Vitamin B5 Shampoo. This mildly purple cleansing gel maintains the health and shine of normal hair. The bottle packages a unique mixture of herbs and botanicals that bring out the natural beauty of your hair and leaves your locks soft, silky and naturally beautiful.

Understandably, we live in a time of diverse wants, needs, and opinions. While the maintenance of shine appeals to some, others are looking for something more than maintenance. For those people, this week welcomes the release of Suave’s Aloe Vera, Honeysuckle and Vitamin E Shampoo, which nourishes and restores hair. Hidden within this green ooze is a specially blended formula that truly protects each strand from drying or damage.

Another priceless addition to hair hygiene this week is Suave’s Chamomile, Sunflower, and Wheat Protein Shampoo, which strengthens and bodifies hair. Many will remember Wheat Protein from last years body building health kick during which whey protein drinks toppled the market and left millions of testicles resembling Planter’s Honey Roasted Peanuts. Though not as tasty as its beverage counterpart, this slightly tanned hair lather is sure to strengthen and build your hair’s body, radiance, and fullness.

Other, less sophisticated, but equally as enjoyable foaming gels this week include Suave’s Vanilla, Almond, and Silk Protein Shampoo, and Suave’s Tropical Coconut Shampoo. The first cleansing lotion predictably revitalized and protected colored and permed hair. But the Coconut Shampoo surprisingly invigorated the senses while its natural humectants hydrated hair and renewed healthiness in damaged hairs.


If you’re not pumped to use these shampoos to clean your hair this week, then I’ve got a better idea. Make a shampoo fruit salad.

Sure, each shampoo uses different ingredients, but haven’t we learned anything from alcoholinomics?

“Mixing everything together can only make it better.”

Next week will premiere the release of Suave’s Long Island Ice Tea Shampoo, which includes all citrus fruits, most passion fruits, six dairy products and two cheeses. I feel lied to. I’m not supposed to play with my food, but I can wash myself with it? For those students who can’t take a shower and get breakfast too, why doesn’t Suave throw in some pancakes? Suave’s Breakfast Burrito Shampoo?

In a town where the search for good entertainment all too often ends up at the base of a gorge, I suggest taking a break from the studying, and sitting back with a nice bottle of shampoo and embracing your urge to herbal. Or you could watch a DVD, but shampoo is better.

Archived article by Bradley Werner