Dear Head Recruiter at The Washington Post:
I am pleased to inform you that I have decided to opt out of my senior year at Cornell University and declare myself eligible for the upcoming real-world draft. While my three years in college have been a truly unforgettable life experience, I believe that education and time spent in a sheltered environment is only an obstacle to success in the real-world. My father and mother have nagged me for 15 years about being the first person in my family to get a college degree. But as I trudge myself day after day to my mind-numbing classes, I’ve realized that I can spend my time more wisely than learning about macroeconomics and Israeli politics.
My agent, David Falk — who is my true guiding light in life —