With utmost respect to my colleague Bill Sheft at ESPN the Magazine . . .
Good to be here. How about a hand for my personal bodyguard, Matt Underhill.
A new Life Sciences Technology building will replace Alumni Fields.
After the ruling, biologists appeased angry coaches by promising to clone them a set of Joe Montanas and Randy Mosses.
Officials are scouring little–used sites for new Alumni Fields. Two words: West Campus.
To make the name more apropos, rumor has it that the committee will line Alumni Fields with Weeping Willows.
To avoid controversy, let’s hope Steven Holl does a good job this time.
The men’s hockey team earns first place in the ECACs.
Let’s just hope they avoid pretzels altogether.
The team holds the best defense in the league and one of the best in the nation. I hope I’m not too late for a nickname: The O.J. D.
The last time Cornell won the ECAC was in 1997. You could call it a Big Red seven–(minus two)–year–itch.
Ivy League basketball is hot.
In an unfortunately related story, no one cares.
Yale beat Clemson, Penn upended Temple and Columbia nipped at the heels of UCLA. Not to be outdone, the Red blasted Ithaca College.
The Cornell men’s offense has had trouble scoring of late. I’m sure Bill Clinton could give the team some tips.
As the women’s team discovered in a loss to Columbia, you can’t win if all you do is steal. Now if only someone had told Ken Lay.
In another basketball headline, Duke head coach Mike Krzyzewski recently signed a contract for life. Or until the Red football team wins a national championship.
Dungy in Indy, Schotty in San Diego, and the Big Tuna almost makes it to Tampa Bay. I knew the EPA was serious about recycling, but this is a little much.
Marty Schottenheimer and the Chargers finally signed a deal after weeks of haggling. Apparently at issue was how much money the beleaguered head coach would receive after quitting midway through the 2002 season.
Speaking of beleaguered coaches, Norv Turner decided not to return to the Chargers. Having botched the offenses for Washington and San Diego, he should make a good candidate as head coach for the Bucs.
The Dolphins are still searching for an offensive coordinator who’s dead set on establishing a running game. In a related story, Tim Pendergast returned to Ithaca with a tan.
Signs that all Hell is breaking loose.
Fifty degrees in an Ithaca January.
Not one Bobby Knight outburst.
The Blue Devils are ranked number one.
The Cornell gymnastics team is on fire.
My time is up. You’ve been great. Enjoy John and the Cleveland Rockers.
Archived article by Sumeet Sarin