Hey kids, it’s been a few weeks but I’m back like Rocky V (and perhaps even worse grammatically). They can’t stop me from writing this thing any more than they can keep Tom Arnold from making more crappy sitcoms.
I’ve wanted desperately to talk about the Olympics for the last few weeks. And now it’s over. Damn you Chock and Sara. Damn you two …
Ok, I’m due anyway. First, if you didn’t think the best thing about the winter Olympics was the interaction between Jim Lampley and Sommer Sanders you were definitely wrong.
As proof, I offer an actual conversation between the two as Sommer reports on the aerodynamics of the new U.S. speed skating uniforms:
Jim: “You know Sommer, I think there are only four … no maybe two … no you’re the only person at NBC that can fit into that speed skating uniform.
Sommer: “Uhhh … thank you Jim.”
You’d need nothing less than a chainsaw to cut the sexual tension between these two.
Ok, I want to finish with it here, but I just can’t stop. I mean, daze editor Nate Brown is begging me to stop, but I … just … can’t.
Ok, one more. Is curling not the coolest sport you’ve ever seen? I watched probably every curling match, men’s and women’s, that NBC managed to play. By the way, the comment of all time came from one of the curling announcers, who boldly proclaimed after the U.S. women’s team went up on Norway 10-2 in the quarterfinals “The U.S. is all over Norway like a fat kid on an M&M.”
I couldn’t make that up if I wanted to.
Ok, off Olympics, but still on sports. I really used to like John McEnroe. I really did. Who can get mad at a guy who throws rackets and goes crazy and pretends tennis is important.
At this point though, we can trace McEnroe’s TV careers with a downward spiral. First, tennis commentary (the lowest common denominator in sports commentary), then ABC’s The Chair, now 1-800-Collect commercials with Terry Bradshaw. Hell, Alf did a 1-800-Collect commercial. I mean, he didn’t start off well, but that’s a bad progression.
Today in Wines class I got to watch a clip from 20/20 that involved John Stossel reporting on binge drinking on campuses, a topic near and dear to my heart.
Barbara actually asked him, in that bizarre accent she has, “So John. Howwww is it dat you managed to stwop drwinking so much yourself?” To which the Princeton grad calmly replied “Well, I read an article once.” You want a cookie would have been the best answer.
Last random thought … Baywatch. I haven’t seen this show in years, but my newfound freedom from the Sun allows me to watch the TNN network most afternoons. How sad was David Hasselhoff’s life that he kept doing this show well into his 80s. Seriously, even William Shatner gave it up after a while. Nonetheless, that show went on well past his prime. I think Yasmine Bleeth’s breasts were what carried the show the last few years. It certainly explains Nash Bridge’s resurgence.
Well, I’m one taco short of a combination plate tonight. I’m sorry kids. Hopefully you enjoy the Chardonnay with the chicken. I know I did.
Archived article by Charles Persons