April 11, 2002

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Don’t Have a Cow, Man

Rio de Janeiro tourism officials are suing the producers of The Simpsons over its depiction of the Brazilian city in a recent episode, “Blame it on Lisa.” Highlights of the episode include scenes where Homer is held for ransom by a cab driver, Bart is swallowed whole by a boa constrictor, and the family is attacked by monkeys. Brazilians also took offense to being portrayed as Spanish-accented conga dancers with thick mustaches.

So much for the defense that it’s not discrimination as long as you offend everyone —- the Japanese, Australians, French, British, and Canadians, among others, have all been parodied on the cartoon. Not to mention what the Simpsons says about American culture in every single episode.

Confused

Actress Tara Reid revealed in a recent CosmoGIRL! interview that she was “numb” when she and Carson Daly canceled their engagement last year. The actress says she ended up going to see five therapists, and “nothing made sense.”

While she’s there, she should ask the shrink why she went out with Daly in the first place. And why the hell is she talking about being adrift and disillusioned with love in a magazine targeting pre-pubescent teenyboppers? I can just see the conversations between mothers and daughters across America:

“Mommy, mommy, if I get engaged to Carson Daly, will he break up with me because he’s a lying bastard afraid of commitment like all men are?”

“What? What did I tell you about fantasizing about Carson Daly? Go to your room!”

More Existential Questions

Speaking of things that don’t make any sense, Fox is reportedly considering throwing tabloid stars Joey Buttafuoco and John Wayne Bobbit in the ring together for the next edition of Celebrity Boxing, which will probably air sometime during May sweeps.

Why, oh why is there going to be a SECOND Celebrity Boxing special? And why is it replacing Family Guy? Is Family Guy not crude and offensive enough?

You know what match I want to see? I want to see whoever’s responsible for this show (including anyone who tuned into the damn thing the first time around) on one side of the ring, and on the other, a pack of rabid, vicious, man-eating dingoes. And the dingoes should have flame throwers.

Understatement

Star Wars star Ewan McGregor admitted in a recent interview that The Phantom Menace was “kind of flat.” He added that Attack of the Clones has “much more humor and there is much more color.”

Saying that The Phantom Menace was “kind of flat” is like saying Ithaca is “a wee bit nippy.” And more humor and color? Get it straight, Lucas, we don’t want humor and color, we want the magic and feel of the original trilogy. The only color I want to see in Attack of the Clones is the red fountain of blood (or whatever color it is) erupting from the stump that used to be Jar Jar Binks’ head.

Kenny is Dead … For Good

Citing laziness as a key factor, South Park creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker have admitted that Kenny is gone for good. The orange-parka-clad character usually died in every episode, only to reappear fine in the next one. Kenny hasn’t been seen in any of the latest episodes.

They can’t think of new, violent ways to kill people? They’re a disgrace to American youth!


Archived article by Matt Chock