April 25, 2002

Entertainment News

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Dodge This

The Daily Variety recently reported that Zoo Productions is pitching a new 13-episode cable reality series titled Ultimate Dodgeball. The show will apparently be based on the classic children’s game.

How sad is it that our society even allows ideas like reality shows based on dodgeball to be conceived? I know we’re a nation of lazy couch potatoes who are starved for entertainment, but are we so lazy and so starved for entertainment that we’ll watch a show about kids playing dodgeball?

Something must be done. I propose the formation of a government agency that prevents stupid shows like this from being created. It’ll be called the “Pitch Stupid Shit Ideas and Get Your Skull Smashed In by a Lead Pipe” agency, or P.S.S.I.G.Y.S.S.I.W.L.P. for short. I selflessly volunteer to be its director and lead field agent. I won’t even ask for a salary — knowing I’ll be providing this great service to humanity will be payment enough.

We’ll also be willing to bash the skulls of any parent willing to pimp out their kid for a reality show.

Bad Dream

Speaking of pimping out your kids, the parents of the members of manufactured boy band Dream Street are suing the band’s creators, accusing them of being a bad influence on their kids. Being a bad influence includes encouraging the boys to drink alcohol and have sex with teenage girls.

Next on the parents’ legal hit list will be producers of T.V., movies, magazines, all authors who aren’t named Dr. Seuss, and the youth of America in general — especially that sketchy kid with the tattoo who lives down the street who doesn’t go to church on Sunday.

Hey, it could be worse, they could be encouraging the boys to have sex with goats or something. Personally, I’d be suing the creators for doing a crappy job of promoting the band. I’ve (thankfully) never even heard of Dream Street. And it’s not just that I’m trying to ignore them. I deny the existence of the Backstreet Boys and N’Sync constantly and I still can’t go 10 minutes without seeing their hideous faces plastered across some ad or magazine cover.

The Ecologists Strike Back

Actor and ecologist Harrison Ford is signing on with Robert Kennedy Jr.’s Riverkeepers group as the organization’s first flying watchdog. Ford has volunteered to patrol New York’s Hudson River in his private chopper, which will be outfitted with cameras to record polluting by corporations.

Is there any portion of the Hudson River that doesn’t have someone dumping chemicals or toxic waste or dead bodies in it? I think Ford should get outfitted with a working replica of the Millennium Falcon to do his fly-bys, so he can strafe polluters with lasers and photon torpedoes when he catches them.

Shield Bearer

Despite advertisers jumping ship, the FX network opted to pick up controversial cop drama The Shield for a second season.

The Parents Television Council, T.V. watchdog and enemy of free speech, has been putting pressure on advertisers to pull their ads from the show. Office Depot and Burger King have already yanked their ads. Hollywood trade papers also report that Anheuser-Busch caved in, but sources inside the company say that’s not true. I don’t see why they would — yanking their ads from one cable cop drama isn’t going to do much to remove alcohol’s association with sex and violence.

Archived article by Matt Chock