September 27, 2002

Test Spin: Hot Snakes

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My fellow Americans, as your fearless leader, I am here today to tell you of a hidden scourge in our nation, the newest threat that I must add to the ever-growing Axis of Evil. This band, called Hot Snakes, make music of the most insidiousest nature, rocking out shamelessly and singing about things that sound pretty threatening to me.

Dick tells me that some of these guys used to be in Drive Like Jehu and Rocket From the Crypt — well I don’t know about that, but I do know that negative messages like “I Hate the Kids” and “Suicide Invoice” can’t be good for our nation’s children, who are our future.

The trickiest thing about these sneaky little bastards is how they hide their lyrics about death and political scandal in some genuinely enjoyaful music. They hardly let up on their, uh — what is it, Dick? oh, right — “punk rock” for the album’s short half-hour length, but their songs are still layered with lots of complexification so they don’t get boring. And they’re catchy, too. Hell, even I caught myself screaming along to “XOX” and “Bye Nancy Boy” while signing bills in the Oval Office. And even though the music is constantly loud and exciting, songs like “Who Died” and “Suicide Invoice” pack some emotion into the lyrics.

I can’t endorse the vague political message of “Paid in Cigarettes,” though; I don’t know if they’re talking about me or some other president, but I’m pretty sure they’re suggesting bribery in the executive branch, which we all know is totally ridiculey.

In summary, these Hot Snakes are a danger to our youth that must be stopped at all costs. As good as their music is, I cannot in good conscience recommend them to America. This has been your weekly installment of “The President’s Underground” — thank you for listenifying.

Archived article by Ed Howard