November 14, 2002


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Like a Virgin

Matt Damon said in a recent interview on Extra that he’s never seen Ben Affleck as happy as he is over his engagement to Jennifer Lopez, not even when he lost his virginity. Thank you, Matt, I really needed to know that. You can shut the hell up now. I bet hearing that makes his first feel real special.

Strange Bedfellows

ABC, CBS, NBC, and FOX are teaming up to counter HBO’s bid for the Emmy’s. HBO recently offered the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences $10 million to secure the broadcasting rights for the Primetime Emmy Awards for the next five years. The network alliance will apparently pay the organization no higher than $5 million a year to keep the show on network TV.

I’ve never taken any advanced economic courses, but aren’t counteroffers generally supposed to be higher than your competition’s? If the Big Four don’t win the Emmy’s, they can always try to snag the Ace awards. I hear the going-rate for that is about a buck fifty.

Stiff Competition

Eminem’s 8 Mile soundtrack held the number one spot on the album charts for the second week in a row, selling 508,000 copies. Coming in second was Justin Timberlake’s solo release, Justified, with U2’s The Best of 1990-2000 scoring third.

How the hell did Justin Timberlake beat U2 on the charts? You people have exactly one hour to rectify this gross injustice before I unleash my legion of giant killer robots on the world. You have been warned.

Trojan Man

Lord of the Rings star and one-time elf pretty-boy Orlando Bloom recently signed on Wolfgang Petersen’s Troy. Bloom will be playing Paris, the Trojan prince who instigated the Trojan War when he stole Helen from her husband. And unless you’re an Arts major, you probably wondering why that sentence had nothing to do with condoms.

Given the way my female friends (including my girlfriend