November 21, 2002


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“Hey Turkey!” This loving phrase was once used by my father as a greeting as in, “Hey Kiddo” or “Hey Buddy.” But, after having five children already (yes, five) Buddy, Scout, Pal, Kiddo, and Munchkin were taken. I’d never given this much thought until I saw what a turkey fryer can do to a featherless fowl carcass. Needless to say, the moniker “Turkey” lost it’s luster. But, I’m beginning to sound like a Sun columnist, so I’ll shut my fucking mouth and tell you about the issue (plus, the ‘fucking’ I just used makes me sound like Matt Chock, and we all know there’s only room for one Turkey-handed foul mouth in this town).

We’ve got the aforementioned Turkey fryer on page 14 in this week’s Gotta Have It. Additionally, fashion columnist Sherry Jun helped me to realize that it’s not my fault that I dress like a complete loser — it’s because I’m a Gemini. Of course, she soon added that not all Geminis dress like losers, but whatever the case may be, check out her fashion feature on page 15 and see what the stars hold for your fashion sense.

There’s a strange and ominous trend to our reviews this week. George Harrison is dead. We all thought Pearl Jam was dead. A whole lotta Missy Elliot’s cellulose just got killed off, just as Michael Moore soon will be