December 5, 2002

Gotta Have It

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If watching The Jetsons Meet the Flintstones seventy-eight times has taught me one thing, it would be that the future wins hands down. Driving a flying car beats pedaling one with your feet. Rosie, the robot housekeeper, beats using prehistoric animals to cook meals and take care of household chores. And, working for Spacely Sprockets beats slaving away at the rock quarry. Somehow, both families had television, but that’s another subject. If my favorite cartoon movie taught me two things, it would be that the future rules and that all the good cartoon genes go to the females. It’s not perverted, it’s just a fact. That being established, today I will focus on the wonderful world of the future. We can’t travel through time yet, but at least we don’t have to use porcupine hairbrushes.

Space Radio

While flights to space are still reserved for astronauts and billionaires, we common folk can now get our radio from the stars with XM Radio. XM Radio is America’s most popular satellite radio service. XM offers 70 music channels, plus 30 channels of news, talk, sports and entertainment, all beamed down commercial-free to your home, car, or speedboat. All channels are free from static and distortion and are available nationwide, so you never lose a song because you’ve driven out of range. And, if you can’t lay down the bucks for an entire XM system, the company now offers the Delphi XM SKYFi Radio. The SKYFi Radio unit can be added to any existing car or home stereo system, giving you instant access to all XM Radio services. The unit’s advanced display shows song, artist, category and channel, and allows you to view artists and song titles playing on other channels before you switch. It also features 20 programmable presets and can be moved effortlessly between your car and home. Try not to stay away from Puerto Rican rappers. Bowie and Snoop might knock some dishes off a shelf, but Fat Joe could bust through your roof and knock your house off its foundation. (

Space Oven

Believe it or not, microwaves have been around since 1947. That’s not exactly what I’d call futuristic cooking. But, there is a replacement that fits the bill. The GE Advantium Oven, with Speedcook Technology, uses light to bake, brown, broil, grill and roast food you would never dare put into a microwave. The Advantium is available in a range of different sizes and styles, but each and every one is capable of cooking your food up to eight times faster than that antique you use now. If my calculations are correct, you should be able to cook a meal for four in less than six minutes. (

Space Water

Do you honestly think that some little pitcher sitting in your refrigerator with a filter filled with carbon dust is going to protect you against the chemicals, microbes, and gunk that has been sitting in your apartment’s water pipes since the turn of the century? What you need is the Kenmore Deluxe Water Purifier. This countertop water purifier provides great tasting, pure water you can feel safe drinking. The 800 watt unit reduces lead, arsenic, nitrates, sodium and chromium VI, eliminates cysts, bacteria and viruses, and filters out 99 percent of all dissolved solids. And, with the convenient drip-less Stop and Serve feature, you can enjoy purified water from a carafe at anytime. It’s still not as good as that thing Kevin Costner rigged up so he could drink his own pee, but it’s close. (

Space Football

When asked to state our greatest modern technological achievement, some people would say landing on the moon. Others would respond that the computer has changed the way we live. I, on the other hand, would say Electronic Football. While the game has been around for some time, it was recently re-released by Miggle Toys and is better than ever. Electronic Football puts you in the action in ways that video games can not. The game consists of an electronic gameboard, complete with goal posts, a magnetic first down marker, a ten yard chain, a score pad, a rule book, and twenty two little plastic players. You are able to control the speed and movement of all the players, and even have two “triple threat” quarterbacks, who are able to run, kick AND pass, at your disposal. And, yes, the red and white players can be hand-painted in the colors of your favorite high school or college teams. Miggle has also introduced some exciting add-ons, including a lighted stadium, an electronic scoreboard, and a deluxe game table. I love living in the future. (

Archived article by Adam Matthews