The weather is going schizo again. Or is it us? That day with grey, gloomy skies and slightly-above-freezing temperatures felt like a friggin’ heat wave. And then back to face-melting arctic-ness. Is there a cure for this uncommon cold? We’d like to think you’re holding it right now. In these sixteen pages, you can learn about flicks to watch in warm theaters, tunes to get your blood flowing, clothes to keep the frostbite at bay, and even some mixed drinks to … well … drink.
If this isn’t enough for you, Ms. and Mr. Demanding Reader, then here’s another option. Use these pages as fire fodder. Throw on some logs and find that kid who started the Ivy Room fire, and then heat up your dreary life.
DISCLAIMER: Please DO NOT, under any circumstances, do what we say. Fire is not the sort of thing to take lightly. We are stupid pyromaniacs. Burning news print is very dangerous and the fumes could potentially make you act silly. Nate often does this and then runs in circles, flailing his apish arms and yelling, “I’m a crazy monkey … I’m a sea monkey … a brine shrimp. I’m calamari. Gooey goo. My pancreas is swollen. You can be my bodyguard. Call me Al.” Then he sets his armpit hair on fire and we call the ambulance. Is this the sort of thing you consider fun? We hope not. Hold on, Nate’s saying he’s a stale biscotti. See you next week.
Archived article by Ben Kupstas