Oh, Valentine’s Day is tomorrow! We wish we could tell you the sweet smell of love was in the air but unfortunately we go to Cornell. The sickly musk of stale beer mixed with somebody’s knock-off fragrance is about as close as we get to smelling love.
For all of you jerks with significant others and lives outside of your really cool jobs as editors of the hippest Arts and Entertainment section in the city of Ithaca, kiss off.
Actually, we have girlfriends. We really do. Their names are Candi Funpants and Nikki Summer. They even have their own website. But enough about how we spend our paychecks.
For those of you lonely hearts, fell free to snuggle up with this issue. It’s just brimming over the top with content that’ll keep your mind off of the festering pit of solitude that’s slowly gnawing way your will to live.
Be sure to check out this week’s Gotta Have It (pg.14) for some nifty last minute gift ideas for you loved ones.
Or, if you’re cheap, flip to page 5 and check out Viewer Discretion Advised for some movie rental ideas. These ooey, gooey films are perfect to watch with your loved one … or, with a huge tub of chocolate frosting and your stuffed monkey. Not that anybody we know has a stuffed monkey … Umm … see you next week.
Archived article by Ben Kupstas