February 13, 2003

Gotta Have It

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Valentine’s Day is upon us once again. Lover’s will be seen walking hand in hand in the moonlight, lonely girls will be shoveling chocolate into their mouths until they pass out, and dwarves across the nation will be donning diapers and arming themselves with bows and arrows to pick up some extra cash. Even if you believe that V-Day is just another Hallmark conspiracy, you don’t want to be the guy or gal that drops the ball and has to spend the rest of the year making up for poor gift selection. So, rather than go the easy dozen roses-box of chocolate-envelop full of cash route, take a gander at these oh so thoughtful gifts that are sure to make your honey bug happy.

For the Cheap-o

Your lack of cash flow doesn’t mean you can’t score a touchdown in the game of love. The folks at the Tompkins County SPCA are overloaded with lovable dogs and cats that desperately need a good home. And what better place to be than in the arms of your valentine? With a little ribbon, some pink dye, and a shoebox, you loved one will be treated to their very own mascot of love.

For the Unoriginal Lover

After days of trying to find a rhyme with “orthodontics,” you may be ready to give up on poetry for good. But, before you chuck in the towel and order your main squeeze a gift basket of processed cheeses and meats, take a look at Poetrygift.com. They offer a wide selection of poems, frames, and personalized accents that say all those words that your imagination couldn’t find. You can even email them a picture, which they will attach to your framed poem so that your one and only knows that you were thinking of them when you filled out the order form. (poetrygift.com)

Message of Love

You know when you were little and you used to write long letters to pirates, stuff them into Coke bottles, and toss them in the river? Well, now you can recreate your priceless childhood memories and tell your special buccaneer how you feel, without having to worry about finding a knife in your door. Timelessmessage.com has an assortment of bottles available in many styles, shapes, and colors, which they will be happy to fill with your own personalized message. Or, if you still can’t find the right words, they offer a bunch of their own messages that they will b e more than happy to let you pass off as your own. Each bottle comes in a handsome wooden case, and is promised to be free from rum, bugs, and sand. (timelessmessage.com)

Big Spender

What do you give the girl that has everything? Answer: Gold Bouillon. For the month of February, the Gold Information Network features its special “Cupid’s Choice” genuine Credit Suisse gold bouillon bars. Although the gold bars are entirely devoid of any special markings or decoration, your valentine won’t care in the least when they open up their one pound box of 24-karat devotion tokens. Each gold bar is refined to 99.9% purity, measures 1 5/8 inches by 15/16 inches, and is sealed in a protective plastic sheath. For centuries, lovers the world over have recognized gold bouillon bars as the easiest way to store wealth and carry it in the event of an emergency. And, because Credit Suisse gold bars are internationally recognized 24-kt gold bullion, they will be easy to sell or trade on world markets at any time. Go ahead, she’s worth it! (goldinfo.net)

Archived article by Adam Matthews