March 13, 2003

Gotta Have It

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Spring break means different things to different people. To some, it is a quiet time spent with family and friends reflecting on the many gifts one has been blessed with during the past year. To others, it means trading your dignity for a t-shirt, drinking most of your meals, and searching foreign pharmacies for just the right ointment to keep yourself one step ahead of crotch rot. This year, I’m headed down to the Caribbean for a cruise. For me, this means catching some rays, losing a lot of money at the casino, and playing shuffleboard with some old ladies. Whatever spring break means to you, the items collected here today should help to make your week an even more pleasurable experience.

The Best Part of Waking Up

The combination of staying up partying all night and sharing a hotel room with too many people can leave a spring breaker dirty and dead tired. To ensure that you have the get up and go needed to take full advantage of your vacation, you should take along a few bars of Shower Shock soap. Each bar contains approximately 12 servings/showers per 4-ounce bar with 200 milligrams of caffeine per serving. That’s the equivalent of 2.5 cups of coffee absorbed right through your skin while you wash. Shower Shock is an all vegetable based glycerine soap that does not contain any harsh ingredients and is scented with peppermint oil. And, after spring break is over, keep Shower Shock in mind as a gift idea for all of your obsessive-compulsive friends. They’ll be washing their hands and scrubbing their bathroom floors like Mark Summers after a long day at Double Dare. (

Does This ce. e Funny to You?

With the constant flow of people in and out of your bathroom over spring break, you’ll never be sure if someone used your toothbrush to unclog the sink or to fish their watch out of the toilet. That’s why you’ll want an Otres Toothbrush Sanitizer, the ultimate “better safe than sorry” gadget. All you do is stick your toothbrush in the sanitizer, press a button, and in a few short minutes your toothbrush is as good as new — germ-free and perfectly clean every time you put it in your mouth. The device uses activated oxygen to destroy 99.9% of bacteria, including E. coli and salmonella. And remember, no matter how hard you try your self-respect will not fit into the Otres Toothbrush Sanitizer, so keep your head and don’t disgrace your family. (

Swiss Army Cookery

Eating out for a week straight can start to hit your wallet pretty hard. And kitchenettes are severely limiting when it comes to the food you can make. So what do you do when you’re almost broke and sick of grilled cheese sandwiches? Just whip out the Deni Combo Cooker. This modern marvel gives you the ability to steam, simmer, boil, deep fry, roast, braise and warm various foods all in one convenient machine. The Combo Cooker features an easy-to-use digital touch pad control, a timer, a thermostat, a removable inner pot with non-stick Teflon coating, a charcoal filter system to help remove grease, smoke and odors, a see-through tempered glass lid, and a five quart capacity. Deni doesn’t promise to turn you into Julia Child, but with the Combo Cooker you will be able to make a fine dinner from the various sea creatures that you find washed up on the beach. I recommend the calamari. (

Big Brother

In case you didn’t know, spring break isn’t all fun and games. There’s a bunch of people out there just waiting to exploit and take advantage of the influx of drunk, uninhibited college students. That’s why you need the 6-in-1 Hidden Camera Detector from Gadget Universe. In addition to a hidden camera detector, this do-dad also features a 110db siren, pepper spray, a 20 lux flashlight, and a special cord that can be attached to your wallet or to a window that will alert you if anyone is trying to steal your goods. Once you’re armed with all that protection this walkie talkie-sized device has to offer, you’ll have no one to blame but yourself if you end up seeing your drunken ass on an infomercial at three in the morning. One bit of advice to all the girls: if you go wild, just don’t sign the waiver. It’s that easy. (

Archived article by Adam Matthews