March 13, 2003


Print More

Would you undress for Snoop Dogg? Come on, even if he asks nicely? Well, okay, I certainly wouldn’t either, but hundreds of plastered college girls seem perfectly happy to peel off their skimpy bikini tops for the West Coast rapper while they squander their Daddies’ money down on some tropical island.

Doggy Style, Snoop’s recent inebriated conquest for bare breasts, is just the latest installment in an empire of female-degrading videos created by Joe Francis (who started his career in film by making those Banned from Television tapes that feature people being run over by trains and losing limbs to sharks). You know what I’m talking about; those late-night commercials with the annoyingly chipper announcer proclaiming, “see these sexy college co-eds bare it all,” while some skanky blonde proudly waves her thong in front of the camera. Maybe you find these advertisements a turn-on. Maybe you like to rent Girls Gone Wild down at Collegetown Video on Friday nights. Maybe you are like Joe Francis, who looks like a strange combination of Jon Lovitz and Ray Romano, and who probably discovered shortly after hitting puberty that he had no chance of ever seeing a naked girl unless she was completely trashed. That’s real cool; find some girl who has no idea what she’s doing and ask her to take off her shirt.

I can’t blame Girls Gone Wild’s stupidity entirely on Francis, though; I also blame it on the idiotic women who think that showing off some skin makes them hot, the ones who will do anything to garner the attention of some other drunk loser for a quickie back at the motel. Let’s face it: if you’re really attractive, you don’t need to do pathetic things like disrobe in front of a camera to get people to look at you.

While the majority of my male friends contend that Girls Gone Wild is “boring and repetitive,” this obviously isn’t the opinion of all men. Girls Gone Wild brought in some $90 million dollars last year, and on March 13th, horny guys everywhere will be able to order the pay-per-view special Spring Break