These are the bewitching hours, in the thick of midnight, when the dining halls have closed down, Blue Lights shine over campus, and a mysterious force overpowers students. Have you ever been a witness to this bizarre event? Perhaps you yourself have been overtaken by it, feeling your stomach quiver after a long night of studying. It is important to deal with this problem immediately. Pizza Deficiency Syndrome (PDS) is a dangerous force to be reckoned with; it can strike the unaware at any moment, day or night. It’s important to know what do if and (inevitably) when this happens to you or someone you know. That’s right kids, whip out the snazzy G-Cards that I know you keep in your back pockets, and make sure that yours is complete. In such an emergency, don’t think twice about calling EMS; the onset of this condition is sudden. Avoid the middle-man, and call for help directly.
Recently, I did a study of PDS with Cornell freshmen. Awareness of the issue seems to be unusually widespread. It seems as though all of the studying for APs in high school paid off. Ashley Moore ’07 knew her PDS statistics when she stated that, “Pizza is essential to life!” As a vehement advocate, I thought it would be useful to find the most effective treatment for PDS-induced hunger.
I assembled a student panel to test the effectiveness of various types of Ithacan pizza. Competition for positions was cutthroat, and only the most qualified were allowed to participate. Saranjit Kaur ’07 was chosen because, “As a student whose mom only cooks once a week, my opportunities to eat pizza have been abundant.” Christie Bloomquist ’07, a Hotelie from Skaneateles (pronounced skinny-atlas), explained that “pizza is the single greatest pleasure life has to offer.” About his pizza expertise as a New Jersey native, Evan Grant ’07 noted that, “Northwest Jersey gets good pizza from NYC. I’ve learned from the best. I won’t deal with bad pizza.” Another Jersey native, Katie Towt ’07, explained that she knows pizza “Because I eat it all the time and know what makes a good pizza.” Lauren Guarneri ’06, from Beacon, New York, explained her own experience: “For 17 years the only ‘restaurants’ in my town were pizza places (six of them) and Chinese food (two of them), so basically all I’ve eaten when we got takeout is pizza.” Residents of the Beacon area have reported a national low on the incidence of PDS, we should all be so fortunate.
Upon assembly of my student panel, we began testing. Various pizza establishments in the Ithaca area agreed to participate. Rogan’s Corner was deemed by Ashley Moore as “having the best flavor and cheese.” Panel member Sebastian Mascan