October 9, 2003

Editors' Note

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So, it turns out that this entertainment editor thing doesn’t pay as well as we thought — that is to say, it doesn’t pay at all (monetarily speaking, the karma’s incredible though). And it seems that the ability to name the directors of Performance or every lineup of Parliment Funkadelic are not actually marketable job skills. But don’t worry about us, we can always be homicide detectives or state’s attorneys.

You see, every night when we stumble home from work or grab a minute during the day to turn on the TV, Law & Order is on. No, really. It doesn’t matter when, it doesn’t matter where, it doesn’t even matter what channel. The show is like the freakin’ ghost of Tom Joad, it’s always there. It’s proof of the human ingenuity to both create crime and solve it. We couldn’t help absorbing some useful lessons: all you need to do to win a trial is speak with a quaver in your voice and enunciate random words, suspects who ask for their lawyers never really mean it, and the person who you know couldn’t possibly have done it, did it. And remember, rich people commit crime too, they just tend to do it in far more interesting ways than the rest of us. Oh, and the cops always look like intuitive geniuses except when there’s a crossover with Homicide: Life on the Streets, and Bayliss and Pembleton kick their collective asses. Lastly, if all else fails, ask Adam Schiff, and he’ll tell you exactly what to do. The man is the closest thing to God on earth. Need another reason to watch the show? Don’t worry, it’s always on. You can’t miss it.

Archived article by Erica Stein